I'm still not sure what to do. The logical part of me says to just end it, to get her and everybody out of my house and my life ASAP. The emotional part of me says to give it a chance, to take responsibility for the wrongs I committed in the past few months, and make the changes necessary to save the R. I have one friend who told me an option is to set an internal deadline for myself, whatever it is, if I don't see improvement by that date then I tell her to get out...I might go that route.
Since I've been wanting to DB this R I'm going to put down some goals. If anybody has anything to say about them I'm open to hearing, otherwise, this is just going to end up being a bit of my journaling so that I'm not risking having stuff laying around the house.
Broad Goals
1. Spend quality time together. 2. Be intimate. 3. No fighting.
Action Goals
1. Quality time.
a. Go on dates, just the two of us, at least twice a month. b. Go for rides/walks with and without the kids. c. Spend at least 15 mins per day talking about our day, fears, hopes, and dreams.
2. Intimacy.
a. Hug and kiss daily. b. Flirt and cuddle. c. Make love 2-3 times per week.
3. Getting along.
a. Let small things slide. b. No raised voices, rude comments, or sarcastic remarks. c. Openly share concerns and be understanding when the other expresses their feelings.
What Will I Be Doing?
1. Quality time.
a. I will be relaxed and upbeat in her presence. b. I will look forward to whatever time we do have together and enjoy it, no matter what we are doing. c. I will be her friend and will be supportive of her. d. I will not complain about how little time we spend together. e. I will respect her desire to spend some time alone, with friends, or with family without me.
2. Intimacy.
a. Currently, I will respect her desire not to be touched by me at all. b. I will be her friend and only make contact as I might with a friend. c. I will give loving, non-sexual, touch. d. I will not complain about frequency of sex. e. I will not pursue or push her for sex. f. I will appreciate any love making as a gift given.
3. Getting along.
a. I will let small things slide. b. I will not yell or raise my voice. c. I will listen to, and adjust, the tone of my voice. d. I will not glare, stare, huff, or sigh. e. I will leave and calm down if necessary. f. I will listen to her rather than waiting for my turn to talk.
First Signs – Baby Steps
1. Quality time.
a. She will tell me about her day and ask me about my day. b. She will linger in a room with me. c. She will text/call me. d. She will be home earlier when I have a short night at work.
2. Intimacy.
a. She will not get angry at my touch. b. She will sit closer to me and sleep closer to me. c. She will touch me in a friendly manner. d. She will initiate touch with me by touching my arm when we pass each other.
3. Getting along.
a. She will stop prefacing statements with, “I don't want to fight” or “without fighting”. b. She will let small things slide without snapping at me. c. She will not be snide or sarcastic with me. d. She will be more relaxed in my presence and perhaps smile.
