Back to Square One?

[Wendylon]

I'm starting to wonder if H's issue is more secret drinking than OW. From being someone who only drank socially, H is now someone who reeks of alcohol every night. He's not drinking in front of me but he must be going to a bar or a pub every day before coming home. He went to bed early tonight and I hate that sweet smell of alcohol emanating from him. I'm next to him in bed but he is conked out with some occasional snorts. I'd love to know how much he's drinking. I'm not sure what it would do though.

I figure that the advice for the partner of someone who is drinking is probably not that different than the advice for the partner of someone who is seeing an OW: detach, GAL... I still wonder what I'd say if he pressed me more on my seeming more detached. He must have noticed that I haven't questioned him on his whereabouts and that I haven't brought up the smell of alcohol. He knows that I have a super-devoloped sense of smell and when I've mentioned that I can smell alcohol or tobacco in the past he's got upset (because he's tried to be secretive). I'm wondering whether I should mention that he smells of alcohol every day and that I'm concerned? My not doing it is a real 180 (though I've never been in this situation with him before where it's an everyday thing).

I found today easier because of it being a week day. He goes to Belgium on Wednesday for work so I have that to look forward to.

Tonight, he got back at 7.40 (later than our usual supper) but I was behind on the meal preparation so he joined us just as we were starting. It was a cheerful family supper (thanks to the kids mainly). He and I then watched one episode of The Good Wife. Whenever we watch an episode of something, he bolts out of the room as soon as it's over. It annoys me as I'm then the one to turn off the DVD and the lights etc... I can't really see how I could bolt out of the room any faster than he does--especially as he sits closer to the door.

Our supper out last night was fine. We talked about the kids and family news. I've noticed that I do a lot of the conversational work. I tried to wait for him to bring up topics so there were quite a few silences. At one point, he looked at me and I asked what he was doing and he responded that he was trying to figure out the expression on my face. God knows what that's about.

I'm still hyper aware of what he's up to and yet I don't find him or his behaviour very appealing. I'm not sure why I'm so focused on him. I feel annoyed with myself for pouring so much energy into trying to understand what he's up to.

His father led a parallel life. In fact, H is the son of the OW. My worst fear is that he's following in his father's footsteps and somehow getting away with it. I don't really think that's happening but there is so much that I don't know that there is lots of room for fantasising/catastrophising--not a good thing.