I need some urgent advice if anyone willing please (and thanks for everything so far).

W just announced she has put deposit on a house. I had a major backslide. Did'nt resort to begging/pleading but initiated relationship talks.

I basically told her that I did not want her to leave, that I thought we could have a chance for a new marriage etc etc.

She was shocked stating that she thought I had accepted her decision etc. I said I had accepted it but did not mean I agreed with it.

We had a talk about R, her issues re years of resentment chipping away at how she felt, she feels that she cannot go on living with me without the intimacy etc. That she does not think she loves or could ever love me again like she thinks she should feel about her H. That she does not hold me on a pedestal like she should a H, does not respect me like she should etc. She said that with her those feelings have gone too far and that there is no way back for her.

She then talked more about the anger with the changes (my 180's) has brought on and why could I not have done this years ago. I said I understand that the anger/resentment would be difficult to let go of, but the changes were not made to win her back, they were for me. She says she knows they were for me and she admires me for that.

But I did not leave it there unfortunately....I then went onto say that I did not fully understand why she would not get help with the anger/resentment and that whilst I accept her choice I still feel that if she could overcome the anger/resentment then who could possibly tell what she would feel in the future. Obviously this got her defences up (my mistake!) and straight away she responds by saying she accepts the anger/resentment and has thought about it but she knows how she feels, does not need help overcoming it and she has made her choice. I did not respond as I realised I was pushing.

She then starts to talk some more. About how she feels worthless, that she has to ask me to be a guarantee for the property, that she had to use our joing account to pay the deposit, that she has no money of her own etc. She then starts laying into both our families how she feels they talk down to her, don't respect her etc (She could not be further from the truth). Per my earlier posts family have tried to help, however, she viewed the offers as her not coping and has always rejected help. They then stopped offering. She is now saying that by asking to help they were stating she could not cope, that it ruined her self esteem and that we all made her feel worthless.

She then had a go at me that when I talked about work in the past that I showed no appreciation of the fact that she used to have a career and knows what it is like in the workplace.

She then said and I quote "well I have changed, they can all F off because I know my own mind now".

I did not respond other than to tell her that I have always respected her, that she has never been worthless in my eyes and that I know more than anyone what she has had to deal with over the years with S with disabilities.

She then said she needs my support moving, but she would do it with or without my support. I responded by saying that although I did not want her to go, that I would be there for her and S.

She has now gone out (her best friends birthday).

Okay - I am now thinking that my sitch is one of those that is going to end up in D. That I am not sure what my next move should be and am worried that I have undone a lot of my previous work by having the conversation we did.

I am looking for re-assurances more than anything - that this can be saved, or an honest opinion that it is too far gone, or is it like I originally thought and an MLC, that I need to let her go through this and see where she ends up. I am just not sure anymore as part of me thought that the longer she was in our home, the more time she would have to see the change and slowly consider that there might be something worth re-building after all.

I feel that once she has gone then our chances of R will be all but gone.

Please can anybody advise on this as I am feeling pretty helpless at the moment. I am not ready to quit, but feel like a big part of hope has just gone out the door.