Hey Arsene! Yes, the countdown is certainly on. T-Minus 4 days!
I'm going to have to play this weekend by ear when it comes to explicitly setting boundaries. I know that I don't plan on making ANY big decisions on Friday, as I'll be relying on the "That's an interesting idea, let me think about it" type of response to the things she might bring up about R.
Even if I'm 99% sure that I know what I want to say, do, or how I want to respond on Friday, I'm going to be sure that I AT LEAST give myself Friday night to sleep on it, post it here, and wake up Saturday morning to see how I feel.
I'll have very little issue with delivering any answers over the phone in the days following this interaction. But I certainly don't want to make rash decisions during this 12-24 hour window where we'll be under the same roof for the first time in over 4 months. This is my opportunity to probe the situation, get some sort of clarity (at least as far as MY mindset going forward) and lay the foundation for this relationship going forward.
Solid boundaries, unending care and compassion, but a whole lot more self-preservation than I've ever used. I've been floating in this terrible ether for too long to keep it going like this. If I don't take some sort of action soon, I'll begin losing respect for myself, something I've worked too hard on these last months to let slip away due to fear.
I don't NEED answers from her this weekend, and I doubt she'll be getting any from me. What I need from this weekend is this: On Sunday morning, when I wake up to our empty house again, I need to be able to look in the mirror and be proud of the reflection I see. I don't need her to want to come back to the M to feel that way. Hell, I don't need HER to do anything to feel that way. All I need is to be able to stick to my guns here, set my boundaries (either explicitly or implicitly through my conversations and actions) and know that I've taken the next step toward bettering myself. And if she doesn't want the "better me", then so be it. I can't keep chasing my tail.
