I would have said yes a few months ago but I am starting to fall out of love with her
I sooo get this dude. Hey, when you were married….do you remember the for better or for worse vow? This is the worse part.
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her cruelty and indifference are just getting to much to bear for me
Cruelty OR indifference? I suspect it is the indifference and NOT cruelty. Cause if it is cruelty as in she keeps you locked in the basement naked with no food or water, then I suspect that you would have filed. The indifference is HARD dude. I know. Trying to live with someone who shows you NOTHING is tough. Especially if all you are doing is LOOKING AT HER.
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I can't understand why if she wants a divorce why we are working on the house
Mine wanted to redo the bathroom after she told me she wanted a divorce. MLC makes no sense dude. So are YOU “working on the house” or is she? Are YOU investing money in the house or is SHE? Do you want to fix the house or does SHE? Are you doing everything SHE wants and therefore you feel like a f*cking punching bag?
If you want to fix the house – fix it. If it make sense for you to fix (regardless of if you stay married or not) then fix it. If you are FIXING the house for HER – then stop.
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DB says we can't ask about the relationship at all
Eric’s top 10 reason why not to have R discussions when you live in the house with a batchit crazy MLCer..
1 – They are crazy 2 – You are way too emotional cause chances are this is the first time you are dealing with someone who is crazy 3 – cause YOU STILL FEEL that something YOU say will snap her as* out of “it”. Sorry ain’t gonna happen. 4 – Cause the more you push her – the more she will push back 5 – Cause if you are trying to save a marriage you do that with actions NOT words 6 – Cause chances are your not getting sex, she is looking good, your horny and really pissed off- and when you are pissed off nothing positive can come out of your mouth. 7 – Talking to your W = stress for your W. Stress = higher probability of divorce. 8 – They are not only crazy but NOT rational. Why would you try and have a rational conversation with someone who is NOT rational. 9 - Your probably really pissed the F off, feeling like a doormat and so do you really think it would be a GOOD conversation. 10 – You still have expectations, which will not be met and piss you off even more.
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let them have no responsibility.
No one said they should have no responsibility. We, the LBS’s tend to do that, we tend to think that if we are really nice, if we really cave to everything THEY want that maybe they will see that we are sorry. So I agree she should have some responsibility and so should YOU. You are responsible for YOU, how you FEEL, what YOU do, how YOU live YOUR life and she is responsible for HER.
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I think one of the dangers of DBing is that our spouses lose respect for us how can you love and respect
A couple of small changes to the above…..”The dangers of NOT DBing, is continuing to LOOSE respect for ONESELF. DB is about respect and healthy boundaries.
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I feel if I had been stronger from the beginning of this whole fiasco and said here is the line cross it and we're done - now it's to late
Oh I hear you dude…obviously you must have hit some of the anger that we all go through. Could have been “stronger” – Yeah maybe, but probably also could have been smarter too. We all make mistakes in our R’s. We usually carry forward the baggage from our childhood and life, so please don’t think that “strength” alone would fix this. You need to take a step back and figure out where YOU went wrong cause that is the only thing you can fix. As for being “too late”. F*ck that! It’s never too late – if you think it is, well then, pack her or your chit and call it a day. I would suggest though, that you try and at least fix some of the issues you brought to the M; otherwise you may find yourself here again.
Look Sunny, I really am not trying to be an as* here. I just wonder if you have really given this M all you have. Personally, I think not but that is just me. My straight to the point advice is this….
1) Stop fixing the house and start enjoying your life a little bit. 2) Let her go, at least emotionally. Stop paying attention to the chit she does. 3) Stop being a friend or someone she can talk to when she feels like it. Personally, I would ignore her without being a total di*k. If you were out enjoying your life you wouldn’t be around much. 4) I would really focus on my music aspiration 5) You talk about being a good Christian…well what does the bible teach us. Turn a cheek? E? So get back to church and help some folks out. 6) My final piece of advice….write a song dude!
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
