I am glad you are back, For the most part you are right, I am very co-dependent on XW. All the kiss marks on her are from me, that is just the thing you missed, and no I am not bragging about it, but you are right, I wanted OM to find out.
I have thought before about everything you are saying, that she is controlling everything with manipulation of any kind sex, calls or texts and I have lied to my self that I do not want her back in my life as my W and that I am just enjoying her presence. No, it is not true, I do want her back as my W and keep enjoying the woman I met, not the woman she became. I can now say with honesty that I do want her in my life. Something happened this week, a miracle, that I have been praying for and it came thru.
It is really hard to change what was damaged for a long time, and I am talking about me, not my R. I been broken for a long time without noticing it. I am now in the need to restore my spirit, I've looked for help at church, and I have been receiving some tremendous insights there too. Everything comes to one thing, I have to re-establish my relationship with the Lord, and from there everything will fall in its right place at the right time.
Now, it is up to me to man-up, and cut the dependency I have on her. Thanks, Eric, I appreciate the time you take to respond, and take those 2x4 and swing at me with them, you speak from experience and from the heart. It is a long process, and it will be longer if I do not start putting my 2 cents to heal. The internal fight is constant and very tiring, COLD TURKEY? Yes, that is the answer, but the cravings is what I am fighting, that is my internal fight. No excuses on this, I am just letting you know for your insights on this.
