Hi, all of you #2

[doubleAA]

Starsky..

That 2X4 really went to the head... But, you are right, she is just keeping tabs on where I am standing.

For what has happen in the last 2 months, I would say we will not have any contact for another 2 weeks. It is up to me to stop this madness, for as much as I enjoy her presence and the LM, it is not going to go anywhere.

Detachment was doing wonders for me, not doing anything was actually doing a lot. For the most part it was XW looking for me after a while, I have to keep detaching and not jump into the same mistakes I am making when I see her. A friend of mine told she will be my demise if I don't keep healthy boundaries around her. As of right now I need to settle down, and not jump into making any boundaries which I will not follow.

I will continue working on my self, and ask the Lord for that wisdom I desperatly need. One thing I have notice, is that I do not feel the pain as much, and I am accepting day by day as it comes. I do miss my family and pray for them daily, but the pain is bearable now, just the co-depency is still very strong.

Starsky, thanks and God bless you!!

[ericmsant2]

AA

the more I listen to her, the more I grow skeptic

The "I love you" "I miss you", "I am yours" from her to me now sound hollow with no actual meaning

but like I said her words are just hollow

She is very intelligent and knows how to play the part

IF you feel this way^^^^ then why….

We have been intimate also

Wait…I think I know why. Because you wanted….

and she ended up with a lot of kiss marks in her body, and honestly it amazes me OM has not find out about it.

IMO, you wanted OM to find/see the marks.

I am not braggin about it

IMO, you ARE bragging about it. If you were not you would not have posted it. Yeah, yeah, you wanted to show me the stupid things..well look at how it turned out for you.

Yesterday we were intimate again, and she still shows the kiss marks, plus some new ones

I suspect the new ones are from OM.

but I am tempted to let OM know where the woman he trust has really spend her nights.

I wouldn’t. You would just be putting her right back on the pedestal that she is already on. You see, she gets whatever she wants. She get to F*ck you, and F*ck OM. Not a bad deal if ya ask me. The more you FIGHT for her and show her that SHE can literally control you albeit with sex, or a call or a text or some other form of manipulation, the longer she does not have to deal with the consequences of her ACTIONS.

I am very co-dependent on XW

Yep. Know what usually works for people that have dependencies – COLD TURKEY. Quit. I’m not saying give up on getting her back – nope – that is your call. I am saying that you need to start LIVING what you are preaching! You need to remind her that SHE not YOU..decided to start f*cking someone else and that YOU are not okay with that. You remind her NOT with words with actions.

YOU Remind HER (and YOU) that you do not plan to be second fiddle to anyone.

I would say we will not have any contact for another 2 weeks

2 weeks! Huh…so you are putting a timeline in place. If it were me (and you are not me) I would have nothing to do with her until she lives up to the boundary that I would have set, which is NO contact unless OM is OUT of the f*cking picture. Then again, that’s me.

For the most part it was XW looking for me after a while

Sorry dude….IMO, she wasn’t looking at you (at least not in the way you think she was)…she was looking to see if she could still keep you right where she wanted you.

I do miss my family and pray for them daily

Separate HER from your family. Reach out to your step kids, if you choose to. Do not alienate everyone because of HER.

[Starsky309]

For the most part it was XW looking for me after a while

Sorry dude….IMO, she wasn’t looking at you (at least not in the way you think she was)…she was looking to see if she could still keep you right where she wanted you.

Yep.


Starsky

[doubleAA]

Eric,

I am glad you are back, For the most part you are right, I am very co-dependent on XW. All the kiss marks on her are from me, that is just the thing you missed, and no I am not bragging about it, but you are right, I wanted OM to find out.

I have thought before about everything you are saying, that she is controlling everything with manipulation of any kind sex, calls or texts and I have lied to my self that I do not want her back in my life as my W and that I am just enjoying her presence. No, it is not true, I do want her back as my W and keep enjoying the woman I met, not the woman she became. I can now say with honesty that I do want her in my life. Something happened this week, a miracle, that I have been praying for and it came thru.

It is really hard to change what was damaged for a long time, and I am talking about me, not my R. I been broken for a long time without noticing it. I am now in the need to restore my spirit, I've looked for help at church, and I have been receiving some tremendous insights there too. Everything comes to one thing, I have to re-establish my relationship with the Lord, and from there everything will fall in its right place at the right time.

Now, it is up to me to man-up, and cut the dependency I have on her. Thanks, Eric, I appreciate the time you take to respond, and take those 2x4 and swing at me with them, you speak from experience and from the heart. It is a long process, and it will be longer if I do not start putting my 2 cents to heal. The internal fight is constant and very tiring, COLD TURKEY? Yes, that is the answer, but the cravings is what I am fighting, that is my internal fight. No excuses on this, I am just letting you know for your insights on this.

Thanks..

[ericmsant2]

AA

I am very co-dependent on XW

Okay so you know what the problem is. What are YOU gonna do about it?

I have lied to my self

This ^^^^ IMO, is the root of so many problems. Stop lying to yourself. Learn to be HONEST with WHO YOU ARE and WHAT YOU FEEL. Learn to be HONEST with YOURSELF about WHO YOU WANT TO BE, what things you like and do not like about YOU and what things YOU want to change about YOU.

IMO, many people will lie to themselves – it is easy. It is easy because society promotes it. I say F that. I say, figure out who IS AA. And WHO does AA really want to be. Not for me, not for her….FOR YOU.

[ericmsant2]

AA - just checking in....how are you?

[doubleAA]

Eric,

Thanks for checking on me.. Things are getting complicated? Better? I do not know. XW has been calling me for the past 2 weeks asking if we can move back together, I said yes, but at the end I could not do it.

She moved out OM house since Oct 9, and has rented her own apartment to prove to me she wants to save our relationship and offered me to start visiting her. She mentioned that she has been feeling lonely, guilty and with a huge necessity to have her family back, and it includes me. She mentioned she does not wants to see OM because she is not in love with him, that it was just the ilusion of a new beggining, but has realized all the hurt she caused to our kids and me.

Just for your info, she is living in a small 2 bedroom apartment close to where she works because she has to walk to get to work, she does not have a car. With OM she had a huge house full of commodities and was driving a 30,000 dlls Mercedes. Just letting you know so I can have your insights.

I still have mixed emotions on this, though. I guess I am going to give it time and not rush into having a Man & Wife relationship again, but instead start dating and start from there.


Thanks, Eric..

[Starsky309]

Sounds wise, doubleAA. Slow and steady.

[ericmsant2]

AA

No need to thank me bro...you are the one doing it. I'm just some due typing my pc

I agree that YOU should NOT rush it..not at all. Let me ask you a question... Do you know what YOU need her to DO for YOU to EVEN consider taking her back? If not, then maybe you should write it down..sit on it, think about it.

Once you have a list then maybe you can share some of it with her. I think you have a little ways to get to that place but I think you and HER really need to understand what boundaries YOU are going to put in place for YOURSELF.

Just my 2 cents. Hope you are having a good weekend.

Eric

[doubleAA]

To all of you reading my posts today, I came across this passage in the bible:

This is what the Lord says: “Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded,” declares the Lord. “They will return from the land of the enemy.” Jeremiah 31:16

I hope it brings hope to your situation as it did to me.

My W moved out OM house a week go and rented her own apartment to let me know she wants to save our R. Yesterday we had our first discussion because of some boundaries we have to put in place. She did not like what I was asking so she decided to stop working in our R. She got all defensive and again her pride took place, her stubborness is on the way and will not agree to anything. God bless her as she needs to have a calm heart and mind to make her decisions. I will not put any pressure on her, she does not want to see me and it is not the time for me to pressure anything. Slow and steady, as Starsky said it. Also, to quote Eric "sometimes doing nothing is doing a lot". Let her go thru her anger and let her calm down. She needs the time and so do I.

The bible verse mentioned above helped me a lot today. It has bring me a lot of calm and I pray to the Lord it brings peace to you too.

Love you all, and may the Lord bring your spouses back to you.