MrsD: Things are good, thanks for checking. Nothing new on the home front....she continues to act as though I don't exist and I continue to smile and love her regardless. I know she's trying to 'detach' from me and feels as though she must because her shrink told her she was co-dependent and apparently in her world that is always a bad thing. Obviously I think too much of it can be a bad thing, but I guess im of the belief that humans...and more importantly spouses DO need one another and need at least some co-dependency in their life. Anyway, its nothing at all that I can control, but I know for a fact that she wants to detach from me as possible and she's doing this by basically acting as if I don't exist apart from helping her create a son I guess.
I don't really know its been a pretty weird ride the last week or two. On the one hand I really feel good about me in general, on the other hand im not sure anything i've done is making any difference to her and I dont have any idea where to go from here. I've tried really hard as of late to not let bitterness and resentment set in....I can feel those two demons working on me pretty hard right now. Not because she's not necessarily willing to try and save our marriage, thats really her choice to make, but more because of the way I feel i've been treated in the 4 months since we split up...I guess I feel like 15 years later I deserve to at least be treated cordially.
I guess its part of her detaching im not really sure, but she's been extra distant and cold toward me. Other than very brief interactions about our son we haven't had a conversation in over a month. Nothing more than hello how are you...and even that isnt very common. Saturday my son had a football game and as they were leaving afterward she said see you later or something like that over her shoulder and that was the complete extent of our interactions.
Maybe I shouldn't care, but it has and does bother me that it seems as though its been so incredibly easy for her to be done with this....im sure she would say differently that its built up for years....and I know about mind reading and all the rest I welcome the 2 x 4's because im stuck. Im in no mans land....I really wanna stand for my marriage and I really want to put my family back together and in the same breath...im really lonely for someone to give a crap about me. I can get by without sex....I can get by without anything physical....but im really struggling with not having anyone to care about and to care about me. My best friends wife and I talk occasionally and I really enjoy it, but I dont wanna enjoy that too much for me or for her so I try to limit that all I can. I've thought of asking someone to dinner, but I don't know how that would work...im married. I dont mean to sound so woe is me and melancholy because I know so many of you have stood for much longer than I have....im more looking for how the heck you made it. Im doing well with GAL and working on me etc....but how did you get by without intimacy? I've got friends that care don't get me wrong, and i've got family that cares...but i've always been one who wants to have someone to talk to daily....to go to dinner with....to just know is there if you want to talk.....
Where you at Denver? How did you get through this part?
