My high sex drive and going after my partner all the time was the beginning of our problems. She started to feel like a sex object, like all a relationship is to me is sex. Things were hot and heavy in the beginning of our relationship but the more I pursued her for sex the more it slacked off. It's been over a month since we last made love and even then there was tension about how it went.
I'm really conflicted right now because I always in the past would masturbate when needed. If we went a couple of days without sex I would usually masturbate. I figured it best to get it out of my system, I also viewed it as a way to keep from pressing her for sex.
Well, she doesn't like masturbation. When I admitted to it she felt hurt because I couldn't wait for her. She never masturbates and feels that we should hold out for each other, that if my hand is good enough why make love to her.
I tried explaining that I do it to just get the high energy out of my system, to let me focus on other things. Making love to her was more than just sex, more than just stress relief, it was a connection...she wouldn't have any of it. She finally admitted that she would never understand.
Things have gone horribly wrong now and I'm in LRT territory. Obviously, there isn't any sex going on between the two of us if I'm at this point...she doesn't even want to be touched by me.
So here is my current problem that is really bothering me internally...outside of trying to preserve my relationship. This is going on my 10th day without masturbating which is a very long time for me to go without masturbation or sex. I sincerely doubt that sex with my partner is coming anytime soon and I'm not going to cheat on her.
I've avoided masturbation because it is such a huge issue to her, it is so important, I'm viewing it as real giving. There is this part of me that wants to get the relationship back on track and make love again and be able to tell her that I've gone X number of weeks without masturbating because I was waiting for her.
There is this other part of me that wants to just masturbate because it does make me feel good and part of LRT is to do those things that make you feel good. I also start to think that by not masturbating I am subtlety pressing my partner for sex by the energy I give off, the way I look at her, or the fact that in my sleep I've rolled over and cuddled up to her when she doesn't want to be touched - if I masturbate I might get rid of the energy and not project it on her and not touch her in my sleep. I'll maybe be able to LRT more effectively and just be her friend for now.
What does everybody think? Food for thought is all I'm looking for. Is it more important for me to hold out so that she can witness real giving when we reconcile (yes, I say when we reconcile because I'm attempting to be very optimistic about all of this) or do I go ahead and get rid of the energy and make myself feel good in the short term?
