Thanks you all - bottom line is I am grieving and it is painful and ugly and it has to get out. The more I stuff and act "as if" the worse it gets. My days are FULL of responsibilities - work, family, friends, etc. And I have to put up the brave face front constantly just to get through....The truth is - I am not brave. I am broken and I'm scared because I don't know what it will take to "fix" me. I have never in my life felt as though I was weak - I've always felt resilient and that I was good at making the best out of any situation. Those skills are sadly gone right now and I have to find a different way....
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Irish, I feel you. Been there, and it is sooooo hard. For me, that the thing that helped the most was EMDR. It helps process the grief and the stuck feelings and make things more bearable. There is probably a good practitioner in your area. I found it better than individual counseling at this stage.
IB, Just checking on you this morning. How are you doing?
What you are feeling is very normal and part of the grieving process. It's okay to let those feelings out. Get out there and beat a pillow to death, taking up kick boxing or long walks and shouting to the heavens. You need to physically release all of this in a way that will help you. You do not need to put on a brave and happy face each and every day of your life. We all show our feelings each and every day and some are more painful than others and believe me when I say this, I don't see anyone with the happy and brave face each and every day.
Give yourself the gift of time to work through things. You've not been on your own very long and now that your children are off on their own, your full focus has now turned back on to you and that's why you are now truly experiencing the pain of grieving. Don't be so hard on yourself. Cry when you need to cry, vent when you need to vent. We are here to help you any way that we can.
I'm sending positive thoughts your way today. Please let us know how you are doing.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Those skills are sadly gone right now and I have to find a different way....
The good thing about this is that you are understanding how you feel and able to articulate it. That's very important. Very.
It means you understand and are feeling things. That's critical.
Feel it. Get it out. If what you are doing is not working, make changes. Small changes and see how they go. Keep doing that and you'll find things that work. We've all been there. It [censored] to feel like that. But it won't last if you take small steps to change it.
You are very strong and very resilient. You are just being tested and I'm guessing from your previous posts, you are not the type to give up. You may be on the ropes, but the fight isn't gone from you
It gets better, my friend. It really and honestly does. So much better than you may imagine. But it does take some time to grieve the events.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Thanks you all - this is such a rough week. I really didn't understand or want to see how emotionally attached I have been to this house - this home that we were in for 17 years. My kids grew up here and every room has a memory. Tonight's my last night and it's very sad for me.
Do you ever feel as though this sh*t is of epidemic proportion??? I have multiple friends going through it and today one of my friends - 70 years old - was left by her husband of 30 years. He said he just hasn't loved her for awhile and wants to find peace. WTH???!!!!!!!! It's crazy - I will never understand!
What is going on with the world???
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Yes. Yes I have wondered if this epidemic. But then I look around and realize it may only be like this in this country. Perhaps it's spreading. I'm a Christian though and I understand this world to be broken and all the people in it to be broken.
Ancient Greek philosphers felt that way. It's where the concept of a soul-mate comes from. That we're seeking what completes us (I find that to be rubbish though )
The world I've seen has shown me that people suck. But it has also shown me that if you look for it, you'll find good and great people everywhere at a given time in their lives.
And no, you won't understand I'm afraid. It is beyond comprehension at this point in our understanding. Collectively we cannot solve the issues.
Sorry to hear about the house. I do know that in my own life, I understand something a little differently. I thought I knew. I thought I understood the saying that to get something great, we have to have an empty hand.
I very much see that differently now
Be well.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
So sorry you are having a tough day. I can't imagine how hard this is for you. I have lived here 8 years and 2 months. Sadly that is the longest I have ever lived anywhere, my whole life. My X too. His parents were teachers, mine were military.
Yes, One Day at a Time, we can do this!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
I don't see weak, I see strength. Look at all you've gone through
3) As AJM pointed out....feel these feeling and then let them wash over you and let them go.
YOU are amazing lady! Don't forget that!
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Thanks you all - this is such a rough week. I really didn't understand or want to see how emotionally attached I have been to this house - this home that we were in for 17 years. My kids grew up here and every room has a memory. Tonight's my last night and it's very sad for me.
Do you ever feel as though this sh*t is of epidemic proportion??? I have multiple friends going through it and today one of my friends - 70 years old - was left by her husband of 30 years. He said he just hasn't loved her for awhile and wants to find peace. WTH???!!!!!!!! It's crazy - I will never understand!
What is going on with the world???
Selfishness -- plain and simple complete unadulterated selfishness -- I just met an old guy that used to work at my bank branch his wife just served him divoorce papers after 50 years -- so I guess no one is safe - the biggest problem to me is the support the WAS gets from there family and friends people that have been such a part of BOTH your lives -- say "what matters is that your happy" nothing else matters ???What about HONORING your commitments !!! -- I can imagine some of what you are going through - I am so sorry you have to sell your home -- all I can tell you is I will keep you in my prayers and I believe that God has something better for you !!
You will endure and be happy again !!!
Sunny
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
