Journalling, So nothing has really changed at all with W. Has not left, still wearing wedding ring, sleeping in the same bed. No emotional connection. Small talk has slightly improved but still business talk. Have not asked any R questions or any deeper SITCH questions. Been exercising with has really helped. Been doing more GAL activities as well. The one mistake I did do this past week was more snooping. W left a journal book out on the bed which I opened and read. Wish I did not but it was to late by then. Read back several years which all she had was praise about her life and being married to me. Then it all changed with blank pages and started writing again in March about how she felt like she was drowning and not getting anything completed. Then more blank pages up intill last week. Her tune has changed drastically. Said her last 17 years has been her career. I put pressure on her shoulders. He wants more from me than I can give. He wants me to be his wife. I want to be one of my dearest friends?? What does that mean?? He wants to take care of me and I want to prove myself capable of taking care of myself. I want freedom and independence. So I was doing pretty well untill reading this. Which caused the emotional rollercoaster to plummet. Not much sleep that night. Why did I have to open that book. Now I wake up and see those pages which starts the brain spinning all over again. These comments are a complete 180 from what she has said for our 17 years of marriage. Does this sound like a MLC? It does to me which not sure why I need to label this. Anger and hopelessness are the emotions that I am fighting with. Anger that I have really treated her like a queen, maybe to well. Given her everything that she has ever asked for within reason of course.Dont get me wrong, I know I have negleted her and our marriage the last couple of years. All this effort and Love that I have poured out and now it is all falling apart!! Hopeless in reading this that she has already made the decesion to leave, I think. How can the switch be turned off which seems like overnight? But turning the switch back on may never happen or take who knows how long.
