What should I do? Which technique to use?

[jzoom]

Crap Crap Crap!!! Last night in my sleep and daze I cuddled up to her and held her. She moved once and said to get off her and I moved myself but went back to it in my sleep awhile later. Then, at one point after I put the baby back in her crib I was in that sleepy daze and not thinking straight and just went and put my arm around her...she called me out on it and I took it away.

This morning after getting the kids off to school (which I offered to do since she is still sick) I laid back down because I had awhile before work. The room was dark and as I laid down her legs were there and she pulled them away. I reached out cautiously to see just where she was in the bed since I couldn't see and the second I made contact with her she snapped, "don't touch me." I quickly withdrew my hand and tried to rest. The baby woke up again and then we were both up. As we lay there she finally said, "without fighting, why did you touch me after I told you not to? You know how I feel about it."

I just hung my head and stayed quiet. She repeated herself a couple of times and said that she doesn't know how else to tell me how she feels, that if it happens again she's going to hit me and take the kids and leave. I just nodded.

She pressed me for an answer and I said I wasn't sure and apologized. I said that I guess while sleepy like that I had hoped things were better since they had been better when she got home.

She told me that she was just being nice to me because the kids were around, nothing more and nothing less. She asked if I wanted her to be mean to me and I said no.

She asked if she could take a shower first and I said yes. After her shower she asked me to take the baby downstairs while she was finishing getting ready and I did. Then she came to the stairs and asked me for an item downstairs. I took it up and apologized to her for touching her.

I said that I was sorry even if I was doing it in my sleep. She said she didn't know what else I wanted her to say because she says I hadn't been doing that and now I am.

There is no place where I can sleep and she also wants to put on a front for the kids. I'm going to try and focus my mind before bed so that hopefully I won't roll over and hold her in my sleep.

So far, she still hasn't point blank said we are broken up. The last she said to me was that she needs a break, that she needs time, to see what happens and whether she can fall back in love with me.

I know what happened last night doesn't help my situation. After I apologized after her shower we just went about our business in a pleasant manner. I know I have to "really listen" to what she's telling me, that she doesn't want to be touched and doesn't feel comfortable sleeping in my arms anymore, so I have to acknowledge and accept that is the way she feels.

I keep trying to tell myself not to believe any of what she says and less than 50% of what I see because she's hurt and scared. Does that pertain to this?



longrun, sorry I missed your post last night. Perhaps I jumped a little too much last night and this morning to help out her and the kids. She seemed surprised but maybe that's because she figures it's all "just an act" to win her back. If she wants to take care of the kids should I just let her? She has point blank said, "*jzoom* can you do me a favor and..." and I've done them with a cheerful attitude, should I cut back on accepting to do her favors when she asks?

The reason I ask that is because in DR I remember a part where it says that when you notice small changes, like less combativeness and being asked favors, take it as a small victory.