H got home from work and sat down on the couch. I snuggled up to him and he pulled me close and just kept hugging me and stroking my arm and back. It felt so good that I thought I would do something nice for him too.
I decided to give him the space he said he needed yesterday
I hugged him hard, kissed him and told him he was beautiful and I went upstairs. I started chatting with a bunch of my snake buddies. I felt good and was laughing and all that. I guess I was up there for about an hour and suddenly I heard stuff SLAMMING around downstairs and the sound go off on the TV. I yelled and asked H if he was ready to go to bed and got no answer so I got out of chat and decided to go see what was up. As I was coming down I askd once again if he was ready to go to bed...he snapped at me and said he had told me no. I asked what was wrong then and got snapped at again...he didn't like having to repeat himself.
I am at a loss at this point so I try speaking H's LL (touch) and he is barely tolerating it. Asked if he is still angry and am told no. I tell him he is very tense and he just shrugs and basically won't talk to me. We go to bed and he is still distant
I just start rubbing his back and stroking him...I don't know what else to do at this point. I say nothing else, just touch. He unwound a little bit...enough to snuggle up to me when he turned to TV off and say ILY. He pretty much stayed glued to me most of the night too...almost pushed me out of bed.
The dogs woke me up this morning to be let out. I turn and look at the clock and H is laying there staring at the ceiling. Says he has been up awhile. After I let the dogs out I go back in and reach out to touch him and he turns away I just let it go and came out here to stop type this.
I tried going back in and H was going back to sleep ? He had told me he wanted up early so I mentioned his coffe was going to get cold. He won't look at me or talk to me. I asked him if he was still upset and he shook his head no, I asked if he wanted to sleep so he could avoid me (like he did this summer) and he shook his head no. I told him he was scaring me a little and I walked out.
Right now I am pretty scared. I keep telling myself that I am reading too much into this, that my hormones are just going overboard (yeah, it looks like I might just be having PMS for the first time in 12 years...damn endo is kicking again and the pain is horrible) but the fear is still there. This is insane after all this time...we shouldn't be going through this crap at all. I can't help thinking to myself "WHAT HAVE I DONE??" I returned to the basics and this is what is happening?
Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
