"longer absences do not seem to bother him and he does not bring her up at all".
Take this key information from your son, he is living "as if" without even knowing what every things all about. Living his life with his dad (who's enough) and not worrying about what he doesn't have.
''My life is totally devoted to my son''
As beautiful as that is you need some adult time (mom of 4kids here) do you have family, friends, a gym, biking, anything you can do with an adult while your s is playing with a caregiver. If your can't get care for him, fine, as long as there is still an adult (w/kid to occupy yours) to have in the picture.
''i am triggered about how and why my wife, and his ma-ma is not here to share in his fun".
These triggers are the worst, we all know this too well. The triggers seem to be the last thing to go away as your healing. I call it anxiety! Try to have another thought right behind those triggers to divert you mind. Mine is, "I deserve better that what you would give me if you were here anyway, so what's the loss"
"I seem to possibly reaching for the acceptance point of the 5 stages of grief"
Run with that, your going to slide back, but as long as you keep going further ahead each time it does get easier. I'm right were you at, accepting, but those damb triggers and loneliness, can inche me backwards in a minute.
Do you have a counselor? You need to take care of yourself (along with S) this site is wonderful, but counseling will give you that one on one face time.
Be patient here most of the people who read your thread are still in the process of going through their own sitch, we all share what's working, what feels good, what stinks, and give support.
Try the goal setting thread below, read what other's are doing, then take some time and right you own. It took me 4 weeks to do this, but it was weight lifting.
