I had S9 Friday night and we went to the scout event Saturday, it was a rainy, muddy mess! We were exhausted when we got home and S took a nap until 5 pm and then didn't want to go back to W's place. I called her and talked to her and she was OK with him staying. Sunday I took him to get us both haircuts, then we met D15 and W for dinner. Afterwards we went to W's house so I could get the kids' school backpacks & stuff. A quick side story, we have a mini doxy and decided she would go back and forth with the kids. She was a bday gift from me to my wife, so I told the kids I'd get one of my own next summer (so the kids could potty train her during the summer break) so that we'd have one at each house. Well we get over to W's house and she bought a mini doxy puppy Saturday!!! Crazy. I have no idea how she thinks she'll potty train it since she works full time and the kids are in school (plus they're with me every other week). Doxys are notoriously hard to potty train. It just seems like W isn't thinking about anything she does these days.
I can't help but think W did this because the kids have been saying they don't like it there and want to come "home" to my place. She might be thinking she can buy their affection/ interest.
On top of that W's house looks like the beginnings of a hoarder show. She moved the rest of her stuff there 2 weeks ago, but she still has piles of empty and full boxes in her living room. And she has no living room or dining room furniture. She was supposed to borrow some from a friend, but apparently she's not in a hurry to get it. Meanwhile, my house is cleaner than it's ever been. It's been a lot easier for me to maintain it since W left.
I talked to S9 over the weekend and asked him if a week was too long to be away and he said it was. I told him I'd talk to W about him coming back for an overnight visit in the middle of it. I asked him if he would like to do the same when he's visiting me (IE, go see W in the middle of the visit) and he said "no". I haven't talked to D15 about her visitation desires since I got her back last night, but plan to this week.
As far as progress with W, there is none. No baby steps at all. It's really testing my patience, it is so discouraging. I'm still mostly dim, I don't text, email or call her unless it's something to do with the kids. She very rarely contacts me and it's always because she needs something (last contact she initiated was an email last week asking for money). I maintain PMA on the rare times I'm around her and try to get her to talk by asking her questions about work, her family, friends, etc. but it usually doesn't go very far. She's just not interested in talking to me. I'm well aware this is part of DB'ing and not to have any expectations, but it's just really discouraging to live it even though you know it's "normal" for these situations.
Originally Posted By: MKB23
The weekends are very hard for me. It is nice to have the distraction of responsibilities during the week.
I can definitely see why you'd feel that way. I ended up having S9 all weekend, so I haven't had to face a weekend without the kids yet. But it would be VERY tough on me too!
Originally Posted By: Arsene
Wow, I feel the same way. For some reasons they've been imagining stuff that they end up believing more than reality. Tough uphill battle for us, isn't it?
It really is. And of course we can't say a word to convince them otherwise which makes it all the more frustrating. We just have to give them time and space and wait to see if they start remembering things more realistically. I've read some of the "reformed" WAW posts and they describe it as a fog lifting, like all of a sudden they can just see things clearly again and remember the good times (and miss them). So hopefully with time our W's will gain the same clarity.
Originally Posted By: Arsene
Also, did she not leave it behind on purpose so you would read it? Don't we ourselves do that sort of stuff to them sometimes?
It was left on a shelf in her half of the closet along with a few other unrelated books and some other stuff (photo albums, etc.) I asked her if what she left was trash and she said she still wanted some things from in there. Personally my interpretation of her leaving it was "I definitely don't need this" but who knows. I mentioned to her when she was still living at home that I had read DB, DR, 5LL and some other books, but I don't know if she even remembers the conversation (her memory has really short-circuited lately).
