Zooland, The Trials and Tribulations Of...

[Zoo]

Hey PIB,

I'm not even sure that I would call it "sacrificing" myself...that was just the first word that popped out of my then angry fingers.

Actually, I'm still fairly angry, so is H right now but I'll get to that later

I'm also able to address issues and he listens to me. It may not always go as well as I'd like, but more often than not, I get better and better results.

Ah, there in lies the problem. I can no longer get H to listen to me. We were doing really well for awhile. I could voice a concern or ask a question and H would listen and give me some input. As time has gone on H isn't listening so well and seems to be under the assumption that all of my questions and concerns are because I think he is now or is going to at soem time cheat on me again. I have tried to ask my questions in a different manner (not something I'm great at and I acknowledge this), I have assured him repeatedly that I don't think he will cheat on me again...heck, I have even asked WHY he wants to make that assumption all of the time. What I get back are angry, defensive responses and H closing down and pushing me away or just him not listening at all. He is extremely adept at tuning me out and admits he does this frequently. At one time I was getting excellent results and now I just seem to be blundering everything.

I think part of it is that we are both still adjusting to living a 'solution oriented' life. It's just now, when I bring up issues that used to be issues before, I'm able to present it in a way that he hears better. And recently, there was a time, that I didn't think he heard me, because of the way he reacted. (He fled from the conversation)...but 2 days later, he took positive action...so he did hear and understand...it just took him a bit of time.

I have tried reassuring myself with this type of thought that you have stated. Maybe I am the one having most of the problems adjusting, I don't know. I admit that this is all totally new for me and I try to do things to the best of my abilities. Maybe I'm just tired and frustrated for a no real reason at all. I can't figure it out but I am doing some damage in the process of trying to

Hugz,
Zoo