Zooland, The Trials and Tribulations Of...

[Zoo]

Journaling

I don’t know what this might mean but it is something that has been bugging me so I’ll just go ahead and put it out there.

When will the WAS acknowledge that the LBS has given them a gift that far surpasses anything that they may ever receive in their lives? Perhaps that is a selfish question to be asking but it is one that has been in the forefront of my mind for awhile.

The LBS goes to extraordinary lengths for the WAS. In the process they redefine the person they are, they set aside morals and principles that they hold dear, they wait an interminable amount of time and they make the choices that the WAS is too chickensh!t to do themselves. The LBS makes a number of sacrifices all in the face of HOPE…but how often does that hope truly spawn the type of R that the LBS seeks? How many LBS still keep sacrificing just to keep the WAS, that has purportedly changed their mine, in the R?

I know that once the WAS returns it is still a waiting game. The WAS still has issues to resolve much of the time and one can never guess just how long that might take to occur, or if it ever will. It’s that “if it ever will” that tends to stand out in my mind. What does the LBS do if the WAS is CONTENT to stay in that “in between” place?

Think about it; the WAS has what essentially is a NEW person in their lives, someone who has gone the extra mile to cater to the issues the WAS has/had with the R and themselves. They now have an S who gives them space and time with few questions asked. They have someone who will overlook many of their foibles and who is willing to WAIT regardless of how long it takes. Even if the LBS has empowered themselves with a life of their own are they not to some extent STILL at the whim of the WAS? Do they not still set some part of themselves aside whenever it seems as though the WAS might be getting shaky again?

Maybe I’m giving the WAS too much credit in the intelligence department but I do think that a number of them have to realize that our DB principles can just as easily be used against us as for us. In the face of their anger, displeasure or distance do we not often run back to DB 101 in order to figure out our “mistake”? Why not just say “hey…I need a little bit of space” rather then manipulate us?

This doesn’t apply to all DB’d R/M’s by any means…but I do wonder how many it actually DOES apply to? How often does the returning WAS talk the talk but then start dragging their feet when it comes to walking the walk and how many of us LET them do it? I have a strong notion that I am guilty of just that very thing.

Sometimes I feel like I am just holding out for crumbs…that for some reason I am suppose to have this infinite amount of patience and hopefully my H will come around full circle and back up all those now “empty” solutions and assurances that he made some 4 months ago. I’m not even sure how much I believe half the BS he tells me anymore.

I’m getting angry now so I better just sign off.

Zoo