After further reflection I realized that all I do around the house is wash the clothes and load the dishwasher. The house has been a mess for awhile and I decided that a 180 (and just taking care of myself) would be to do a big cleaning today since I'm home alone.
That's exactly the right spirit, do it to take care of yourself. The fact that it's a 180 that she'll notice is just icing on the cake. In my M my wife always took care of the laundry, food and picking up the house and I took care of the dishes, trash, recycling and did the outside work (it's a fully landscaped acre lot, so a lot of work). The outside always looked beautiful while the inside was always a mess and the laundry never done. I hired a lady to clean ever 2 weeks, but even then the house was usually a mess again in a day or two. I always assumed it was just an overwhelming amount of work so actually offered to hire someone to do the laundry, but W didn't want to. Anyway, after BD I took EVERYTHING over myself. Instead of being overwhelmed like I expected to be, I found that applying my discipline to all the tasks gets them done in short order. The house has never been cleaner. The laundry is done every Friday like clockwork (before it was NEVER done). So do it, you might find it's a lot easier than you thought it would be. And a clean house will do wonders for your PMA, I know it has mine. I went over to W's house to pick up the kids this evening and it's a total mess over there, LOL!
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I won't be saying "I love you" or giving compliments, though I will say "thanks" if she does something nice for me.
Sounds appropriate. Just remember, going dark or dim is not about being rude or cold, it's just about pulling back. You should still be warm and caring towards her, and a great listener if she wants to talk. You should be compassionate towards her. Just pull back and don't initiate anything.
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Any ideas about doing stuff around the house?
I would take over all responsibilities, because that way if she leaves you'll already be taking care of things so it won't disrupt you much. It's more for you than her. After BD I took everything over hoping to show W she didn't need to do it anymore, but when it became clear she was going to leave no matter what I did it for me and the kids rather than her.
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I'm afraid that if I do a 180 on that and stop offering favors or responding positively when she asks for a favor that she'll just feel I'm being cold and pissed off.
Read the chapter in DR on 180s again, it's normal to feel uncomfortable and even a little afraid when we do 180s because we think they may be misinterpreted. But remember that even if it doesn't work you can adjust later. And it isn't about acting cold, even when going dim you can still be friendly, positive and compassionate.
