And so it goes...

[irishblessings]

Not sure...something though.....:)

[irishblessings]

Busy time right now...interesting time.

Two women I have been acquaintances with in the past are going through the same things we all have experienced. My empathy exceeds words....

Here's a random thought I have been having...so many people say to the LBS "maybe God has removed the WAS from your life at the right time - you're lucky you are not around it (X) any longer..." I get that, I do... But then I think about the new woman and think she is now thinking "lucky me to have found someone..."

Who's right....both??? Yikes....

[MaMaMo]

If the "new woman or man " meets the MLC spouse and stays with this messed up crazed manic person then they are just as dysfunctional as the MLC.

An healthy individual with boundaries will not stand for the craziness that an mlc brings into a relationship.

You already know that this new gf is just as messed up as your ex. That saying like attracts like is true when you think about it.

[beatrice]

IB Snodderly has written some wise words on my thread about OP2 and they are consistent with what another friend and I are finding as our xh move on to the second OW.

It appears to be a very different relationship. In general the second OP is less obviously messed up, but when you look below the surface they are still very troubled people.

Big generalisation here but the first OW is all about passion - using the emotional high to feel good, and to get away from their existing life An escape route. Now if they don't work through the replay crisis [and I am not at all sure about these statges, as I have written elsewhere, but the crisis certainly has these elements] by the time the relationship with OW1 comes to an end they are still lost, and not at the point they can face their issues, and certainly not alone.

Snodderly described it on my thread as their being in a kind of limbo, floating on a sea, and that is the sense I get with my xh. Not going anywhere in this, can't go forward can't go back. Stuck stuck stuck. SO the new OW is a distraction, and certainly not the 'soul mate' they thought OW1 was. I think it is probably a good thing they are less messed up than the first OW. But certainly not OK.

But God given, I really do not think so.

[irishblessings]

Very emotional...last day in what was our family home. I am 2.5 years past bomb - and now divorced 18 months post divorce. It absolutely STILL hurts...such profound loss. I'm embarrassed...no matter what my next move is - it's a step down. I can't put icing on this - it's not what it could have been.

Please don't get me wrong - XH is just crazy messed up and I don't want that in my life. But I still feel such grief from the loss of the man he was.

I feel like a broken, empty shell of a person....STUCK!!! I know I will get through it - but it completely [censored]!

[WenikiTiki]

Hey IB! Sorry you are having a rough day. I am not looking forward to leaving this house either. But it no longer feels like a family home to me. I am not sure where I will end up, but I know it will be my space and I will do the best I can to make it my home.

I hope you can do that for yourself. I was just outside working in the yard with my X and it seemed so pointless. And I put my yoga smile on and smiled everytime I walked by him.

I keep thinking that silly saying: Everything will be alright in the end. If it's noy alright, it's not the end.

Do not be embarassed. Hold your head high and be the wonderful lady you know you are. Sending you a pretend tiara to wear and know you are a worthy person! (And stick that yoga smile on as you are wearing that tiara!)

Aloha,

Wendy

[uRworthy]

IB, still so hard on yourself.

Of course you are feeling deep emotions. This is a huge thing happening, leaving your home. And it is bringing up all the other losses.

Please dont get ahead of yourself right now. Take a little time to get through this part without worrying about where you need to be.

And try to change your mindset about it being a step down, sweetie. It is a different step than the one you thought you were going to take, but it is a step sideways, not down.

It's ok to feel what you feel, IB. Remember that. It is all in what you do with the feelings. All in how you use them to propel you forward.

[irishblessings]

Thank you so much Wendy:) Lovely thoughts:)

[Golfgirl1]

I don't think you have a thing to be embarrassed about. And one day you will be grateful this all happened because it led you to the path you were meant to find to become the person you were meant to be.

It's okay to grieve the person he was, but remember that life is short and you don't want to waste too much time on him. Get on out there and make this all about YOU!!!

[ericmsant2]

IB,

This chit is hard…really hard. IMO, the pain never really truly goes away. I believe that in time a scab is formed over the wound, which really enables us to keep moving forward in our lives. From time to time the scab may get ripped off (i.e. a trigger that makes you feel the pain again) but we all learn to heal again.

You SHOULD not be EMBARRASSED. On the contrary, you should be proud.

Maybe your next move is step down. I’ll agree but I will also say, that your next steps could (if you really allow them to be) steps forward and HIGHER.

Take as much time as you need to grieve but try not to get “stuck” there. For me I found that when I look at the past, I try to focus on the positives of what once was. Nothing that my XW says to me, the kids, her family, friends….could ever take away the good times. Is it sad to see the person that she has become? Yeah, but at the same token maybe just maybe she is happy being that person. If she is, then God Bless her.

The more you really focus on healing and becoming happy the farther the past gets. You cannot relive, cannot do a “do over”…you just need to keep going. As Brooklyn used to say…keep on keepin!

(((hugs))))

Oh…and IB…it really does get better!