Zooland, The Trials and Tribulations Of...

[Zoo]

Journaling

I'm staying at the hotel here in Zooland. I went over to my old condo and looked in the windows (ground floor don't ya know )...everything looked kinda threadbare and dusty, I didn't really bother to clean up when I left.

You could just see the faint outline of footprints in the dust on the floor, footprints marking the hundreds of miles I must have logged from my ceaseless pacing throughout the rooms. The old sofa still retains the imprint from when I would pause to rest my weary soul. It was beckoning to me folks...trying to lure me in with it's promise of comfort and security.

I'm still not CERTAIN why I'm here in this place again. I know the details and/or triggers that precipitated my return but WTF? This is just plain stupidity on my part

Triggers:

H started acting weird last week. He was distant, wasn't in the "mood", non-communicative, more introspective, avoiding etc. This started last Tues. and was in direct contrast to his actions the day and week(s) prior to that. I couldn't coax a genuine smile from him and when I attempted to speak his LL (touch)it seemed like he struggled with it. I tried to discuss it with him in a non-confrontive way (I think I wrote about it on my previous thread?) on a couple of occasions. H just told me he was fine, he was happy and I was being over-analytical. His aura (?) sucked though

This all had alarm-bells ringing and caused the hair on my arms to stand on end...this is exactly the way H would get this past summer; H would have some time off and we would be getting along great, seemingly happy, H would go back to work and BAM! The switch would be thrown and I'd be living with an evil alien again, no thanks to OW stirring things up with her demands

I didn't want to jump to the ASSumption of that being the cause though and I still don't. I did ask H about it too, as diplomatically as I could and was told no. It just didn't ring right though His above actions continued through the weekend and into Mon. His reason for the weekend was because he had planned to just stay at home at least one day and get some things done (right) and instead we were on the go all wknd. Hmmm...we were on the go because of stuff HE wanted

As of last night the switch seems to have been thown back into the "on" position again and H seems to be in much better spirits. I just can't seem to find my way up there with him I'm still stuck on last week-Mon.

Last night H asked me more times then I ever remember him doing in our R "what's wrong...are you ok? " HE commented on my being pre-occupied I wanted to say something so bad but I didn't. It would be beating a dead horse and just "more of the same" I just didn't answer his queries (I didn't want to lie).

~sigh~
Zoo