best and worse thing to ever go through

[Grocerykartman]

A big part of me wants her to know that I know about it. Do I out the A? Once again I could really use some wise advice on this.

The internal strife you face with this question is just about the most paralyzing thing you'll face in this whole situation. Let me ask you the following questions.


1. Once she knows you know, then what, as far as you're concerned?


2. If you were spending the night at another woman's house, and were then confronted the next morning by your wife, would you dare go to the other woman's house again unless you had simply reached a point where you couldn't care less if your wife actually knows?

As in, you wouldn't intentionally shout from the rooftop of the other woman's house, "hey, I'm sleeping here tonight!", but at the same time, you apparently don't care if you get caught a second time (because if you actually cared about hurting your wife the first time, you would never, ever, ever, go back there and chalk it up to a one time mistake.)

In other words, do you think by letting her know that you know she is even at a juncture where she'll care?


3. Could you have spent the time you spent investigating your wife's car yesterday instead forcing yourself to hang out somewhere else, doing your best to have some kind of fun, even though it would have been extremely hard to concentrate?

Not exactly sure what I would say. Maybe, W you tell me that you need to be self supporting before anyone can enhance your happiness, but yet there is someone else.

You're trying to "fix" her and make her see things. Talking to her like this won't work, or your original discussions or confrontations about the subject already would have. Kind of like what I'm getting at in question number 2 above.

I believe the time and energy that you are putting in that R is what would save our M, save our family. In order for that to happen you would have to quit your job, cut all contact with OM, and become transparent. We would both have to start IC and MC and commit 100% to each other. I will not settle for anything less.

Sounds great..except..you should not volunteer this. She knows this. She's not an idiot. She's just lost her way as WAS's do.

This is not the time to say that. You say that if and when she comes to a point where she sincerely initiates working things out. You'd notice a difference in her if she was sincerely trying to.

But I think saying this will fall on deaf ears now. It's basically an ultimatum, that you aren't on solid enough footing with yourself right now to issue.

She parks in there and he leaves his car outside. She told me the first time that they were just friends. She said that she parked in the garage because someone else form work lives close to OM. She has not told me that she has stayed there since. As far as she knows, I am only aware of the first time. And as far as I know the kids have never been to his house

I'm on your side here eyes. I didn't want my last response to you to come across so harsh, but I really feel for your situation and that's how I saw it.

I hate to see you feeling like garbage everyday and spending none of this time, the gift of time that CADET rightly calls it, being spent on making yourself get out and do good things for YOU.

I hate to see you stalking and I'm assuming, peeking in this guy's garage and trespassing?

You've got more important stuff to do man. You know she's up to no good right now. Don't go down her road, or this guy's road more accurately. Go shoot pool, go to the movies, call a friend up and have a beer, call a distant buddy up and go have a beer out of town, go to someplace respectable you'd never have considered going before, go work out even more, anything really.
Whatever you like to do, or used to like to do, or might like to do.

This is a paralyzing time right now. Feels like there's a knife in your back and a sinking feeling in your gut. But you'll get through it. Keep yourself independently busy.

I wish you well.