Quote: Oh yeah...that really rings a bell. I call it the "Yes, But" people. They moan on and on. They ask for advice. If you give any or suggest anything they say, "Yes, but that won't work because...." Fill in the blank.
The pay off they are looking for is attention and to be in a martyr/victim role...and you are messing it up by looking at constructive solutions instead of saying "you POOR THING".
Normally I avoid being around people like this too much as well. As you said, we all do this at one time or another ourselves but we don't LIVE for it My mother is the only one I make an exception for and only because she is my mother.
Maybe it isn't very kind of me but I don't let her play the martyr/victim role with me and as far as I know I am the only person who doesn't...well H doesn't either but he just walks away instead of saying something One of my standard responses to her is "BS!". I tell her straight up that she is playing that role as well. Am I enabling her attention seeking when this happens? Probably, but I refuse to allow her to wallow in her "victimness" when she is around me...if nothing else it gets her to stop talking about it for awhile.
Contrary to what some might think I gain no pride from any of this either I usually feel pretty cruddy after a talk like we had the other night if not at times downright ashamed because I SHOULDN'T talk like that to my mother or anyone who is my elder in that way. I was taught better manners then that. My own personal convictions won't allow me to lie or placate either and they are strong enough to override the manners thing. What is really crazy is that Mom is one of the people who instilled those convictions in me...go figure?
Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
My mother is the only one I make an exception for and only because she is my mother.
One of my standard responses to her is "BS!". I tell her straight up that she is playing that role as well. Am I enabling her attention seeking when this happens? Probably, but I refuse to allow her to wallow in her "victimness" when she is around me...if nothing else it gets her to stop talking about it for awhile.
I usually feel pretty cruddy after a talk like we had the other night if not at times downright ashamed because I SHOULDN'T talk like that to my mother or anyone who is my elder in that way. I was taught better manners then that. My own personal convictions won't allow me to lie or placate either and they are strong enough to override the manners thing. What is really crazy is that Mom is one of the people who instilled those convictions in me...go figure? 
