Quote: Oh yeah...that really rings a bell. I call it the "Yes, But" people. They moan on and on. They ask for advice. If you give any or suggest anything they say, "Yes, but that won't work because...." Fill in the blank.
The pay off they are looking for is attention and to be in a martyr/victim role...and you are messing it up by looking at constructive solutions instead of saying "you POOR THING".
Talista
I couldn't agree more. My sis, for example, is very overweight, and over the years I have sent her info and made suggestions of many kinds about losing weight, as I happen to be interested in health issues and have many books and references. She has NEVER taken a single suggestion on board, but still says things like "I would do ANYTHING to be slim again" !!??
So the last thing I said a while ago was, "Well, if you ever need any info, you know where to come" and have left it at that. No more doing more of the same when it wasn't working!
Another thing. She has been an abolute brick in the last few months of this hell - talking to me on the phone, listening, 'being there', having me to stay at her place, giving me and D a safe haven etc. But more recently, when I started to express my feeling that some of H's allegations about me at bombshell had a bit of truth in them, she quite violently disagreed! I was taken aback. She seemed to be againt the idea of my taking any resposibility at all for the state of my marriage. It was then I started to keep these kinds of thought to myself. I have not confided in too many people about DBing, because all they can see is me being soft in the head.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
