best and worse thing to ever go through

[eyesopen]

As I type this my hands are shaking. Not sure if it is fear or anger or both. Either way I haven't felt like this in awhile. Could really use some advice on this latest development.

There is part of my story that I have not shared since I was naive and thought it was nothing. About a month after the bomb my wife told me see was spending the night with a friend from work. It turns out that it was a customer, one of the regular golfers. I did some investigating that night and found her car in his garage. I had always said that infidelity was the unforgivable sin, but after all the reading I had done I changed my views and believed that we could get past it and strengthen our marriage. I waited there all night and confronted her when she came out in the morning. We actually went to a MC that day and went out for dinner that night. Hindsight tells me that was a bad mistake. She said that they weren't physical. Based on the cell phone records after that there wasn't any contact, although she could have switched to text only. Then about three weeks ago she told me that that kids and her were staying at a friends. Well the kids stayed at the friends and this time she didn't even park in the garage. I didn't confront her as we are seperated. Based on my instinct I checked tonight and sure enough, her car, his garage. He is 47, 16 years her senior. Since my mom works at the same place as my W she knows this guy. A few years ago my BIL passed away, my mom and W thought about setting him up with my sister. His response was that he wouldn't date anyone with kids. So based on that I don't see this lasting.

I know don't believe anything that you hear and half of what they say, but I am wondering what my best play is here? A week ago she sent me a text stating that she needs to be self supporting before myself our anyone else can enhance her happiness. Do I confront her, and push the divorce? Do I let it play out? I know I need to be strong and confident, part of me thinks pushing the divorce shows that. But on the same hand I still believe that I could get past it and trust her again. Not sure a divorce would stop the A anyway and I would continue DBing. I want to continue for myself anyway. A big part of me wants her to know that I know about it. Do I out the A? Once again I could really use some wise advice on this.

Thanks