Zooland, The Trials and Tribulations Of...

[Zoo]

Thanks for dropping by PIB,

Yes, I have posted positives or rather I was trying to make positive posts I'd like to think that a lot of my last thread was more positive then negative...hence my question regrding the "Drama Queen" persona. Was everything getting too positive, good and MUNDANE? I think in this thread I am trying to understand my psyche and the dynamics it creates as much as anything and why/how/what drives it.

BTW, I liked the suggestion you received by Water, to name the positive place, Zooland.

I do have a name for my positive place I call it ME. Zooland is the name I gave to the place my evil twin drags me away to when she is bored and wants to stir things up...the literal name H will ask me what I am thinking about, I tell him "nothing, I'm off in Zooland right now." THen he justs waits.


I am hoping to talk to Mom about going back on her AD/AA's tonight. Her dr took her off of them when it dawned on him that she had been on them for 20 years without a break. I strongly believe she is one of those people who will have to remain on them for the rest of her life. Everyone, including the dr, has been trying to disclude it to the withdrawal process but I have noted that things do seem to be getting worse rather then better. Hopefully they will try her on something new...she was on the max dosage of her old meds and still "crazy-making" I do not offer that as an excuse for her behaviour by any means nor do I except it when she tries to use it. What I described in my post was what occures IN SPITE OF the meds.

But if it is the same reason, there is absolutely nothing he can do to atone. She is going to have to learn her own value and believe in her own worth. And gain her own strength.

This is what gets me part of the time. SHe will ask WHAT to do to get past everything (in one of her more lucid moments) and when I tell her that what worked for me was changing me and getting myself back to begin with...well she then says that that isn't going to happen. She wants to know why SHE should have to change, she is not the one who did anything wrong. She accepts NO responsibility for her M going on the rocks. If Pops wouldn't have behaved in xyz fashion, she wouldn't have acted the way she did so see, it is his fault and he is the one to blame. It is mind-numbing to listen to her reasoning.

Thanks,
Zoo