Slightly hopeful optimist..

[sandi2]

I can't tell you how "not" to have those panicky moments b/c it's emotions that nobody has control over except you. Of course, you are very aware of that fact and that's why you get angry at yourself when it happens.

You wanted some tips on how to use this occasion on the camping trip to really shine. Okay, after seeing how you feel a sense of being set back when you get the panicky feelings and especially anything on her phone that could have a link to OM......I will base my suggestions on that information. You may be expecting too much out of the camping trip, and if so....you'll set yourself up for a big disappointment. Your emotions are extreme right now….and you're reacting accordingly....which is not good.

Things happen....that's a fact of life! Words are said that shouldn't be spoken.....and things "do" go wrong. Seldom does everything go perfectly.....especially when the MR is under such a huge amount of stress. So, in order for her to see you really shine; you have to "expect" this stuff to happen.....every day, all day long. Now, I know what you're thinking. B/c you are an optimist and you don't like anything negative, right? When I tell you to expect these things, I don't see it as being negative, but instead it's being "prepared" with an alternate plan. The LBH has to stay on his toes by not getting caught up in some dream trip where everything is going to be wonderful and might even lead to other things. You have to go into it like a challenge.

What would you do if some part of the camping gear didn't work? I bet you could quickly think of an alternative plan of action. In order to shine, you do the next best thing, under the circumstances, and you show that it doesn't change your attitude. You "will" have a good attitude and you "will" look at unexpected problems as an "adventure" and carry on as such. If it rains all day, you show how much fun it can be to stay indoors, or under a tent, or whatever. But you turn it into a great time. You make great memories.....regardless of what else is going on or who might be in a bad mood.....you don't allow it to affect your mood or attitude. This is such a great teaching lesson for kids to see how an adult handles things when it goes against the plan. What does daddy do when he's disappointed? How does daddy act when things go wrong? That’s why bad behavior is often passed down to kids. I'm getting a little bit away from the subject, but not too far, b/c your W will be affected whenever she sees you giving these life teaching experiences to her children. And when her children are happy, and she sees a fun & respective exchange between the kids & her H.....it has a big affect in her heart.

I have actually put this "technique" (or whatever you want to call it) into practice many, many times and it never ceases to amaze me when I make the most of a bad situation... and how my "choice" to have a great attitude in that situation, had such a positive effect on those around me. I do not recall a single time that I walked away regretting how I handled myself in the situation.

Don't misunderstand and don't be confused with the advice of not controlling another person. I'm not talking about trying to be in control over every circumstance. However, I hope you know the difference from trying to control your W's life from what I'm talking about here. That's another subject for another time.

Stepping up and taking charge is an attractive quality about men. When a man is a H and a father, the opportunity always presents itself for him to show his leadership. To me, that always makes a man shine!

So, a camping trip should offer the opportunity for any man to show his family how a man should fill every day to the best of his abilities......regardless of what that day may try to throw at him.

I hope what I said made sense, and I hope anyone who reads this will realize that every day is like a camping trip.