Keep breathing...

[mamabird]

Just a little update:
S8 had a soccer game this morning. Even though they are all 30-45 min away, H insists that we do not ride in the car together. So, we waste gas, contribute to pollution, etc... H did not sit next to me and S6 this time, although he was reasonably pleasant.

I had originally said I wanted someone to ride back with me but the boys did not seem to want to do that - so I left after the game by myself. I figured that the bright side was I could listen to whatever I wanted in the car and have a peaceful ride home.

When I got back I started putting away the dishes and H said he would clean up the kitchen. This is significant in a few ways:

1) I think he recognized I was a little upset/hurt at the game and maybe is trying to make up for it. I think it's clear that I'm feeling left out these days, although I'm really trying not to pout or complain, just sucking it up... I made breakfast for S8 and S6 but wasn't allowed to ride in the car. It really is not fair but I'm trying to keep my cool... I even brought an apple along for H despite all of the above, because I knew he'd be hungry. And he actually ate it.

2) He hasn't really cleaned up in the kitchen since I've been back. I always do it, and while it annoys me greatly, I haven't complained or even been huffy about it. And I haven't asked him to do it, although I think it all the time.

3) I finished the washing up last night after he made dinner (to which I wasn't invited) and maybe he recognized that. Note he hasn't helped clean up when I've made dinner, even though he stands over the stove and eats. Our old arrangement was the person who doesn't cook cleans up.

4) Probably the most important one, I've realized that one of my LL's is Acts of Service, and I think he must know that too on some level. This is an area where we conflict... he likes to rest and I like to putter/clean/organize, and I think he feels a little guilt about that.

He's taking a nap right now but he said, "I just need to rest my eyes for 5 minutes..." We're not in any rush to go anywhere so the fact he's being cognizant about his chores is a good sign. I told him just to rest.