I think what you did on Thursday was the best thing you could possibly have done. Also very DB-like.
Time is essential. I'm sure she needs time to heal. It will do good that you are supportive of her needing space, yet still being there for her as a friend and wannabe H. Since your time together is so great when it's just the two of you, it sounds very much to me like your issues were directly related to the ex/custody. Most people here are dealing with spouses that can't stand them personally and things they personally have to do 180's on (not that there isn't anything you need to improve on.) On the positive side, shes like YOU, just not the situation. On the down side, there's not a whole lot you can do to change the situation. It may just mean that the two of you have to create a unique/unusual arrangement. Four houses away is very convenient in many respects at least.
