Keep breathing...

[mamabird]

In my sitch, since I'm not normally vulnerable, that usually works with my H. Not that I'm trying to be manipulative or anything, I was actually being vulnerable and pouring my heart out. Also right now we're getting along and we're not in the middle of a lot of animosity right now. I told my IC today that it's like big sheets are coming off the iceberg. Last night I heard him laughing at the TV so I went in to see what he was laughing at, and we both had a laugh....

I know it's not DB... but to act glib as if I don't care I think was reinforcing why he didn't want to be with me. He walked away out of hurt, not out of MLC or OW, so it actually WAS something that I did. My behavior has to change in a different way - I'm still doing the 180s and "as ifs" but LRT does not seem to be a winning strategy.

If you think it will work to be more vulnerable with your H GA, then you should try it. I know he likes to be the "big man" so maybe it will make him feel manly to take care of you a little.

As for my own update, tonight my H made dinner and I was the one who had to sit out. Very uncomfortable but he got up from the table and I sat down and ate, and told him it was good and then finished washing up. He doesn't do that for me so hopefully he noticed the gesture.

We have to have a talk about money. He's horrible at managing it - HORRIBLE - and I think he's made a bad situation worse by taking control of all the finances. He's agreed to sit down so we can work out a budget and start paying off some of this debt. At least I'm earning some now, but I'm doubtful my little job will last longer than another month, which was the original deal.

The one sort of bright light in all these financial problems is that it makes a D a really, really, really bad idea, and I think he knows that.