Where do I go from here?

[Hopeful84]

thanks kml, I can't believe I left out the best part of the drama.. lol...

So I go the OW's door at 4am, knock and she answers, and says let me guess, he's a great storyteller huh? what are we supposed to be doing? and I say laundry.. and she laughs...

So after he talks to me, she texts me that we should confront him on his BS...

So let me set the scene... my husband on his mistress's front yard with his mistress and his wife comparing stories... she says, you told me I was your soul mate, that you were divorcing Rebecca to be with me... I say, you tell me you just need time to break free from her and return to me... she says you tell me you want to have children with me... and I say, and when I read that text you say you were just being nice... she asks, if we have been intimate... and I say yes... and that was the one that set him over the edge... that I should have "respected" our marriage enough to not let her in on that, but I felt like at this point we both deserve the truth you know? So the OW was nice actually and has been texting me... but I only think its because she is checking to see if he is coming home when she is at work.. which he is.. but whatever...

I have to definitely keep my cool until Tuesday, when I get my new military id- because my expires that day and we take care of figuring out my healthcare options-- which is either taking it out of my account which is still way cheaper with his military package than my employer or he takes it out of his retirement, which he said he would do... and then I can keep taking more steps back until January when I can put in my time and walk away with at least healthcare and some percentage of his retirement.. that always sets him over the edge says he earned that... that he would pay my car payment and healthcare and school loans if I don't take his retirement.. but all he has to do is go switch to the VA side and I would lose his retirement portion... so I dunno... maybe I will say pay my student loan payment, my car payment and my healthcare as part of the divorce and then no court involved... we shall see... for now he is applying for social security disability and he needs me to help, which I don't mind because that means a large sum payment for his PTSD which he agreed to pay off our credit card debt... so yes, its in my best interest to wait at least until January.. and yes if he gets help and works on a better him I may consider a reconciliation.. but right now, as he is... totally not interested... and I don't know if I ever will be again to be honest... His family is not very close to him, his mom is closer to me and they all live far away... but I already decide I can't stay with someone just because they gave up on me and I feel obligated out of love and vows not to give up on them because I am all they have... he knows this.. thats his bad for treating me this way...

But yes.. I am actually okay... less stressed... and loving my new counselor and really able to focus on school and my health goals and also long term goals for the future that all revolve around me and only me... and only dealing with him once or twice a week is working out okay for now...