Time for an Introduction...and Thanks

[figure-it-out]

Journaling...
Ended up having a real live conversation with H. Imagine that! No texting.
H took S to practice on Tues and Wed. this week so that was a nice break. H came upstairs after practice on Wed. and I knew what was coming. H said he wanted to talk about taking S to "his place". I told him if he was asking for my approval or greenlight for doing that I was not going to give it.
H said "I knew you were going to say that". He said he did not like taking S to his mother's as son gets blamed for things the younger child who lives there does.
I reminded him that I was happy to leave the house Sat. night to Sun. afternoon.
H wanted to know why I didn't trust him with this and that he would trust me. I told him it wasn't a matter of me trusting him. I didn't think GF was an axe murderer or anything but I was looking at it from how our kids would react. He genuinely seemed surprised that was the reason I was concerned.
I told him he was able to make whatever decision it was he wanted as there was no agreement made yet in our settlement and he is our children's parent but I would not approve.
He genuinely seemed to want to talk this through which is highly unusual, so I kind of let him lead the conversation.
I reminded him how protective S is of his time with H even when it comes to me and asked him how he thought S would feel not only being introduced to GF but knowing that is where he would be staying during the weekend. I asked him how he thought D would take the news and he said he had not thought about that.
I'm sure I overstepped the DB guidelines during part of the conversation but since they are few and far between I decided to go for it.
I asked him if this was someone he pictured himself with long term, someone who he would be bringing to the next Thanksgiving or Christmas. He looked at me somewhat befuddled and said "no".
I asked him if GF knew where he stayed M, Tu. and Wed. night of this week. He said "no". I asked him if GF knew I was still at every family holiday. He said "no".
We talked a bit more and he said there were things I brought up he had not considered and would need to think more. I told him I was glad we had a conversation and said if we hadn't he would have continued to think the reason I did not want the kids over was because I didn't trust him and I would have not known that was the way he was feeling. I told him it felt good to just sit and talk with him and I wished we could have more of these type of talks. He agreed.
Received a text from him the next morning (Thurs) relating to the car we are trying to purchase for D then nothing more.
Received another text today with more information about the car but in addition, he said "Thanks again for talking to me about S coming over to my place". I was somewhat stunned with that.
So, I have no idea what's going to happen when he picks up S tomorrow. He may end up at H's "place" or back at MIL's. I will deal with what comes should it be with GF. I don't expect H to sit down and tell D should he decide to take S there. She will probably find out from S. I hope H reconsiders.
If he doesn't, I am prepared to finally set some hard boundaries. Probably something I should have done a long time ago but this just kind of seems like the last straw if he involves the kids in this situation. I will no longer let him come in and out of the house as he chooses. I will make sure he gives me his garage door opener and comes to the front door when picking up S. I will not let him come and sit for hours prior to taking S to practices unless he is invited. I will no longer participate in family holidays with his family (this will be the hardest). I just kind of feel once GF is out in the open whether she is at these functions or not and his family knows about her I can't look like a bigger fool to them. I can deal with them thinking I'm foolish for standing this long with no one else in the picture. I can't prove them right by continuing as normal when everyone knows there's someone else.
Sorry for rambling, I'm probably making no sense and really don't anticipate anyone making it this far into my post. Guess I'm hoping putting all of this in "black and white" will help me find the strenght I will need should H decide to expose GF.
Have a great weekened everyone.