I have been reading several other threads (going dark, etc.) and I'm afraid that being silent for over 3 weeks might actually be "more of the same" for me.
Michele actually warns about that specific thing in DR, she said if going dark is "more of the same" behavior then don't do it. If you were detached and emotionally distant in the R then going dark will not help matters.
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I originally thought it was a 180 since I had recently been hovering, pressuring, and was an emotional wreck before he left.
Hovering, pressuring and being an emotional wreck around H is NOT a 180 from being emotionally distant during the R. That behavior has got to stop ASAP. A more appropriate 180 would be to show interest in his life, ask questions, and be a very intent listener. Flatter him, pay him compliments. But you can do this while still GAL'ing. It doesn't mean following him around the house like a puppy.
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During most of our marriage though, I did not communicate much or very well at all especially when it came to my feelings. So now I'm wondering if maybe I should reach out to him.
DR addresses being a good listener, this is very important in reestablishing contact with your spouse. It's not so much about reaching out as it is about being a positive force in his life and making yourself emotionally available to him when he's ready. When he wants to talk, drop everything and listen. Encourage him to continue and validate his emotions. Do 20% talking and 80% listening. For now do not communicate your emotions to him, that's pressure. Do all the listening.
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I have heard and read others that have sent a letter to communicate. Maybe take responsibility for what I know I was at fault at during our M and show that I am not angry or blaming it all on him. Has anyone tried this? Would it just be another bad idea that would apply pressure and push him away.
There's different schools of thought on letters, seems about half here say you should write it for yourself and not actually deliver it while others think it's a good idea to give it too. If you think you have things to say that he doesn't already know, then go ahead if it's what your heart is telling you. But if you'd just be repeating things he already knows, then don't do it. Usually this is something best done early in the process and then don't follow up on it. Don't ask if he got it, don't ask if he read it, don't ask what he thinks about it. If he wants to talk about it he will, otherwise just let it lay.
