MLC or Depression? I need help to survive crisis

[summersnow]

Can you please give me advice for my marriage crisis?
(I might post before but could not find it, so let me do it again)

H: 33y/o and W(me): 33y/o, No children but 3 large dogs (for us, they are kids.) Married in 2005.

December,2011
He started to complain about sleep difficulty. First, he mentioned pain of heart. It seemed so painful like someone was hitting his heart. Then, complained severe headache.

January, 2012
Since he had a history of car accident 15years ago, we went to our family doctor. Did MRI and EKG. nothing is remarkable. He started to drink alcohol to induce sleep but of course it didn't help.

He is the type of person who works too much, care family very well, loved me and dogs so much (our friends and families said we were always like newlywed.) He also has had a dream to start his business so studied so hard.

January-June, 2012
He worked too much and his personal project (for his new business) got so behind schedule due to lack of time. I knew he was getting so frustrated and stressed but could not change his working style (even I told him to go slow down.) We had set every Saturdays were family day which mean we spend together (like going shopping together, taking a walk for dogs together, etc) but it seemed this just once a week family thing also frustrated him because I think he thought he could not get time for him. But he was so responsible person so did family time a couple of hours on Saturdays. He still said me many "love you" and cared our dogs well.

July, 2012
He completely became different person after coming from his business trip (he goes to business trips every other months and spend 2-3 weeks there.) He was the same person I have known when we talked over the phone during this trip but something changed him.
After he came back, he did not make any eye contact with me, smile, or talk to me. He looked down (tilted head) and seemed so tired. I observed him for two weeks but nothing changed so asked him to sit and talk what happened to him.

He made a speech "I don't know I love you any more." and then "I met ex-girl friend. She has kids and family so I don't expect anything with her, but I don't know if I love you."
I got so mad because we had a plan of birthday trip (even he asked me to make estimate over the phone during trip) but he canceled (I was ok to cancel because thought he got so tired but now he said the speech and it made me so mad.)

Everything was changed from that day. He seemed so confused and shut down his mouth (he, anyway, always hold his feeling inside his mind to avoid any dispute.)

August, 2012
He has been getting like monster. He complained everything with really nasty words and finally started to talk as everything was my fault. He made so many irrational and mean words to me.
Since I was reading so many MLC related book and divorce busting, did not respond with anger, instead, just listened to him.
He finally made a decision of divorce, which I did not agree.
He went to see a lawyer to know how to proceed divorce. At that time, he seemed to understand what his responsibilities were so was planning to rent a house for me and dogs and share his benefit, etc.
One week later, he suddenly changed his mind and said he would not rent a house for us nor share benefit (basically he started to think like "everything is mine! Save the money for new business.")
I am housewife/part time worker so no 401K or something like that.
Then, he left a paper which pretty much explained how to divide asset (which was not equal) and went to another business trip.

September, 2012
I started many activities like meditation class, fitness, etc in order not to be so desperate. Even started divorce busting telephone coaching and then told to see MY lawyer to know what my legal rights were.)
I saw a lawyer and learned I had a right to get equal property asset. He could not force me to leave the house.


I don't know if saving marriage is best option for me any more but since he has all symptoms of depression and MLC, I could not just give up. Part of me keeps saying "You should be patient and he will realize he needs you. He is just having a difficult moment."

I can be strong and patient if he just has difficult moment. I am also ready to fight for him (not fight him) for next a few years. But I don't know how to help him. He seems to want to restart his life. He started to watch all his album and videos and even remembered his suicidal moment after his car accident. He told me if he kept living with me, he would be dead due to so many pain. He told me he did not want to say so mean words to me any more or he might start DV.

He doesn't want to go to a doctor maybe because I asked (he wants to refuse my idea anyway) or he think strong man will not be depressed.

Can you give me some advice? If anyone had similar experience, could you share?

Thanks,