Thanks AnotherStander, I need brutal honesty here.
And here you'll find it, we call is 2x4s (like a 2x4 upside the head, LOL!)
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I realized that I was doing things wrong and thought back to when I had read DR and the one technique that stood out for some reason was LRT, so that's why I chose it. I was wondering if I was jumping the gun, going to an extreme.
Yeah, I think it's too soon. 180's are basically taking stock of your M and what you contributed to making things go wrong (none of us is perfect, we all did things that contributed) and then doing the opposite of those things. If you never helped around the house, then it's time to start helping. If you distanced from your wife, then it's time to move closer. Things like that. Obviously moving closer to your wife is the opposite of LRT, that's why I was saying not to do that just yet. First you need to show your W the husband you CAN and WILL be from now on, even if it doesn't change her mind right away at least you've shown it to her before you have to go with the LRT. Because she needs to see that you've changed and she needs to see it long enough to believe the changes are permanent (months) before she'll consider a turnaround.
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I brought DR to work with me today to read on my breaks and I've wanted to read 5LL but don't have it.
It's available really cheap as an ebook, I went that route and just used the Kindle software on my PC to read it.
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Last night I decided not to say "I love you" and I'm staying away from it right now since I either get silence or "I know."
Good, because if she's not saying it back then every time you say it it just reminds her ya'll are not on the same page. She knows you love her, so there's no need to keep saying it for now.
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I ask her if she needs help with things and I'm making sure to do small, nice things around the house. Within the realm of DB is it ok to pay compliments like telling her she looks nice today? Or is that too much like chasing and focusing on the physical?
It's OK within reason, what I do is pay compliments to W like a friend might. So no sexually suggestive compliments, just things like "you look very nice in that blouse, I don't remember seeing that before, is it new?" That sort of thing. If you didn't do that before, then it's a nice 180.
Just keep in mind that the 180's will not result in immediate changes in your wife. She'll think they're a trick to get her back. The important thing in 180's is consistency. You must make them permanent and see them as changes you need to make for you, so that whether your W returns or not you're going to be a better person regardless.
