More on this, today I had no contact at all with W but another small thing occurred. D8 excitedly announced that W had sent her a text (as she often does) and in closing, had told her to say good night to daddy for her (which she had never done). In fact, it's so unusual that D8 was excited about it. She told me that she thinks mommy is starting to like me again. I told her that it may be so but that we shouldn't make too much of it and that we have to continue being patient.
That's great news, it's a baby step and you're taking the right approach in not making a big deal out of it, but feel free to celebrate it in your heart
Originally Posted By: Arsene
Maybe I should just turn her down when/if she suggests it again.
You know your sitch better than us, but I wouldn't be inclined to turn it down unless she wants to start doing a LOT of stuff together, then you might turn one down now and then.
Quote:
That's all for today. Feeling lonely as hell.
So sorry to hear that, when I start feeling that way I start texting my friends and/ or find something to do in the yard, house or elsewhere and that helps
If you do not mind me asking, what is the "distance/venom" you refer to above?
Usually, after my W gets closer, she follows it by either distancing herself or by lashing out to me with venom/anger for whatever reasons. From what I read on this site,it's quite normal behaviour for WAS but I never get used to it.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Thanks AS. It's good to have you around. I needed a bit of encouragement. Cheers
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
I haven't seen W all week. She's been here to see D8 but only when I was at work.
She's actually started reading a book on meditation that my teacher gave me specifically for her. I let it sit around on my desk as nonchalantly as possible and when I got home from work, it had been moved to my bed side table. I'm not sure if she is getting anything out of it but I'll leave it where she left it just in case.
I got a few texts from her as well but all kid/logistics related. The two most notable (and they are not very notable either) exchanges which occurred were when in my reply to an inquiry from her, I asked her if she was still going to see her mom this Sunday and if she needed a lift to the airport (I know, maybe I shouldn't have offered). She replied that she was still going but that her flight would be very early and she might be ok but would let me know if she needed a lift. I replied saying that the time didn't matter. That if she needed a lift I'd take her because I'd want the car while she's away anyways. Some might see this a pursuing but it's just me being me and besides, I did want the car.
Another notable one was received tonight to cancel the car on Saturday (She'd already told me I could have it then). She also mentioned that she'd heard I had played tonight (probably from D8) and hoped it had gone well.
Reaching the end of the month. I'm four weeks into my plan of action and still going well. I guess there were a few baby steps over the weekend so I'll keep doing what I'm doing for a while longer. I told 25 I'd stick with it for at least 90 days so I'm a third of the way there.
Got paid and can finally breath a bit (at one point this month I only had $80 in my bank account - I haven't been this low on cash since I started working 30 years ago). I can now start working on turning this new house of ours into a home. I've got plans for the back yard. I'll be building D8 a playground and I'll also make a meditation corner and perhaps a vegetable garden on top of landscaping it a bit. It's the kind of job I'd usually hire help for but I want to do this by myself.
I was thinking about having a BBQ house-warming party sometime this month and invite all the old friends to try to get back in the circle but I don't know if I'll be ok financially so I might have to wait for this. Maybe I'll just throw myself a birthday party early November instead.
My thread has been very quiet lately so I've spent more time reading and commenting on others. I know I'm not really in a crisis for the time being but it's always nice to get visitors' comments.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Hey Arsene. Just wanted to let you know that I still read your thread!
Not much goin on right now brother... But you seem to be doing really well.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Thanks Denver. It's comforting to know you're around. Cheers mate! BTW, I'm still catching up on your thread. It gives me hope.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
W was here today to pick up D8 for the night. She was really pleasant and we had a nice chat about her life in general and how she's getting more teaching work which allows her to turn down gigs she doesn't want.
I don't think I did very well though because although I was listening and sounding interested, I felt a bit sad that she might actually be doing so well on her own that she might just not want to come back.
Of course that is crappy thinking anyway. Why would I want her to come back just because she is financially miserable? It's got to be for me, not for the material life I can offer her.
Nonetheless, we also talked about me getting some soil to work on the garden and she offered to call the place I found today just to make sure I'm getting the best deal and not the foreigner's price. Somehow, it almost felt like we were a family again, until her and D8 left that is. Especially that she mentioned that she was heading out to a photo session with her band while D8 would be in French lessons. OM is her drummer so that brought it all back home.
It's still not too bad, other than how quiet the house is right now. I have learned to take things much more calmly and I guess I can handle this bit of a slump.
I'm off to my gig in an hour. Btw, W seems really excited about it and she still pushes to know where it is. I just won't tell her. I guess I don't trust her and I'm afraid she would head straight down there to try to get work, which in turn might put me out of a job. It's too bad though, because we would do very well there as a duet.
OK, all for now. Cheers all!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Arsene: Just catching up...you sound like your in a good place. Glad to hear you've got more work going on, I know with everything else its especially tough to have to worry about money as well so at least you don't have that worry for a bit.
Keep moving forward my friend....it sounds like your seeing small steps and thats good, but keep moving yourself toward happiness either way.
