W's first response to my question about paperwork: "Well, you wanted me to make a decision" and then she started in on blaming me. I told her she knew that was completely untrue and I would not take the blame for anything she decided. She was free to make her choices, but she must accept responsibility for those choices.
Shortly thereafter, she says it's a mistake by the court or attorney, as she has not done anything since June. So I say "Which is it? You're making a decision or it's a mistake by the court?" She goes with the latter, but says she completed everything in June when she was feeling pressure from me about making a decision, but hadn't pulled the switch yet. And then she apologized for me getting surprised by it all.
There were a number of times she mentioned feeling guilty for keeping me in the relationship, and that she wasn't able to give me everything I wanted right now. She also said that she didn't think that D would change the fact that I wanted our repair our R. I explained to her that it was a healing process, that it would take significant time, and there was no need to rush from my perspective. I agreed that I didn't think what I wanted would change with D, but I also thought that the D process would be difficult on everyone in the family and seemed like an unnecessary step at this time if reconciliation was still an option.
At the end, I told her if the notice was left in play, I would eventually hire an attorney, and would do so by Nov.
The entire discussion was very calm and I think she felt freed by it all in a certain way. I honestly believe she's going to leave it scheduled until she truly decides how to proceed, and if she doesn't eventually decide, then we'll probably start the process in Jan. All in all, it doesn't really change anything for me...I'm trying to focus on making each day as good as it can be, regardless of what's going on, and that is working pretty well.
