However, she also spoke about Physical Touch. i.e. we often had sex but she commented that she wanted more touch (cuddles etc) outside of sex.
Men can turn the sex button on and off. We can have a lousy day at work, come home and be grumpy around our wife and kids all evening as we sulk in front of the TV, then go in the bedroom and turn the sex switch on, spend 30 seconds on foreplay and be ready for some action. Women can't do that. For women, foreplay involves being nurtured, touched and made to feel special and should take place for hours (or really, continously) before a ML session. We have an on/ off switch that can be flipped whereas they have a rheostat that has to be slowly turned up. This doesn't mean her LL is PT, it's a characteristic of most women.
Originally Posted By: rkyfat73
Is it possible for peoples LL to change and to have more than 1?
It is absolutely possible she has more than 1. It's important to nurture in all 5 LLs, but focus on the 1 or 2 primaries. If there's 1 or 2 that she just flat-out doesn't respond to at all then drop them.
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You mention words of affirmation - is it appopriate for me to comment on how she looks etc at the moment?
Sure, but do it in a "best friend" way rather than a "wow I'd love to bag you right now" way, LOL! Tell her she looks nice, comment on her clothing if it's something you haven't seen her wear before, tell her the color looks good on her, that sort of thing. Not "man that makes your hooters look big!"
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Her behaviour is also starting to show signs of infedility - prob an EA as opposed to PA at the moment but I am sure that may change in time. I am worried that her circle of friends may actually encourage this.
Follow DBing and work on YOU. Don't worry about what her friends are saying or doing, it may surprise you to find out they're telling her the opposite of what you think. Improve yourself, do 180's and stick with them, make yourself more attractive and appealing so she doesn't need the EA.
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I have started reading DR but not sure where to start - my position that we are S but in the same house suggests that I should resort to LRT straight away.
You've got plenty of time, no need to rush straight to LRT. LRT does not work until you've implemented 180's and shown them to your W. Too many people rush straight to LRT and then don't understand why their spouse detaches from them. It's because their spouse needs to see change before they'll consider returning, and if you go straight to LRT without showing change then as far as they're concerned there's no reason to return.
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The comments re Alpha and Beta are true. In the early days I led the way but was always careful to consult W. She used to approach me for guidance etc regularly. Over the years I have become more passive and W has taken the lead more in the household. I am working on this but it is a power struggle - W has done it for years and reluctant to let go even though she really wants to.
There are plenty of ways you can show more alpha, you don't necessarily have to create a power struggle in the house. Start working out, running, etc. Improve your appearance. Get into some sports activities. Improve your clothes. Be more sure and confident in yourself. Flirt more with other women. That sort of thing.
