Thanks Tori. Hope you're doing well.

Mini journal - update.
2 Nights ago, I woke up in the middle of the night with some kind of wierd bug that resulted in me feelilng like death and near sort of vomiting. I felt totally alone laying on the bathroom floor in physical pain. The next morning I obviously looked rough and W asked how come. So I told her about my bad night; and continued to feel pretty bad most of yesterday. Some OTC meds did and are helping still. So anyways, last night after we had put the kids to bed, she came into the bedroom where I was laying and reading and started talking to me about how I could have came to her for help, and if I need anything this night (last night) to feel free to come get her / join her in her bed upstairs. She also said that she had considered sleeping next me in order to keep an eye on me and make sure I was ok. I told her thanks, and truly hoped that it wouldn't happen again. Really, I felt like death. So this morning, it turns out that she ended up checking on me twice throughout the night. I was pretty sure she did once (touching my arm, forehead for fever, make sure I was breathing). I texted her this morning that S7 was at school, and thanks for checking on me. I appreciated it. About 15 minutes later or so, she called and said something along the lines of "despite what we're going through, you know I still love you, worry, and care about you. You know that right?" I honestly paused and thought for a few moments. She commented on my pause, my hesitation, and then I said, "Honestly, I have questioned that." I'm not sure how that was received, if it was good, if it was bad, but it is th e truth. W then continued the conversation about what her work day looked and what not for a few minutes longer and then we ended the call. Thoughts?

*Now this is something that I've been meaning to post the past few days; and haven't had a chance to until now. I'm not sure if this is the right place, (maybe it would be better posted in DB Bootcamp, I signed up a few weeks ago and am awaiting a mentor; or if this should be in Zig's goal thread). Anyways, here goes my request.
Based on where I'm currently at, I overall am doing better, I know it and everyone else knows it (some think I'm crazy though wink ), However, I want to truly take a good hard look at myself. Start to peel back some of the layers and go beyond the fear of being alone / rejection / insecurity. I believe I can do that, then I will better be able to handle everything in life. I've been reading several meditation type of books where they reference "falling behind the pain." I don't truly get that. At least not that way it's word. It sounds similar to sitting at the "picnic" and sitting with the pain in order to let it go. Sort of kind of, how?

Help on where / how to start this process / take it to the next level?