Thanks for your advice - it is good to hear this from someone who was sitting in W shoes.
You mention that one of W love languages must be words of affirmation. I have not read the book but been doing research on line re love languages. I had always thought that W LL was Acts of Service. I can see how this has led us to the position of where we are given her comments re DIY etc and her running the household.
However, she also spoke about Physical Touch. i.e. we often had sex but she commented that she wanted more touch (cuddles etc) outside of sex.
And then there is the Words of Affirmation that you mention. She also made comment to the fact that I did not always pay her compliments on how she looked etc.
Is it possible for peoples LL to change and to have more than 1? Or is this representative of how confused she might be feeling, or the fact that she did not know her own LL and it may in fact be physical touch?
I am doing the acts of service which she has responded to. She thanks me for letting her lie in when taking S away so she can have a break. Physical touch is just a no go area at the moment for obvious reasons. You mention words of affirmation - is it appopriate for me to comment on how she looks etc at the moment? I am being more conscious to thank her for dinner etc but she specifically stated that she needs her feathers fluffing once in a while. Do you know what would be a subtle way around this? She is looking stunning at the moment but in truth she probably does not care what I think of her looks.
Her behaviour is also starting to show signs of infedility - prob an EA as opposed to PA at the moment but I am sure that may change in time. I am worried that her circle of friends may actually encourage this. They are mostly single and from failed M themselves but give the impression that life is great on their own. However, they do get signicantly financial support and help with children from parents - something W hs never got.
I have started reading DR but not sure where to start - my position that we are S but in the same house suggests that I should resort to LRT straight away.
The comments re Alpha and Beta are true. In the early days I led the way but was always careful to consult W. She used to approach me for guidance etc regularly. Over the years I have become more passive and W has taken the lead more in the household. I am working on this but it is a power struggle - W has done it for years and reluctant to let go even though she really wants to.
Could I also ask W went to see benefits office, they are saying she can get benefits if we can prove that we are fully S but in the same house i.e. seperate beds, bank accounts etc. They also said that if I kick W out then she will be higher up the housing priority list. W now wants us to S in the house - she has not asked me to lie and say I kicked her out yet but it may only be a matter of time. Any advice on how to handle this - do I agree to full S in the same house so she can get benefits? I will not lie re kicking her out if she asks me to.
All - thanks for support the other day. I held onto my sanity thanks to you guys and am truly grateful. I think I may have blown up otherwise.
