busted affair again!

[newman7977]

Newman,
Good job with spending time with your kids. I to have admitt I have the same questions about detaching and waiting to make that first move. You want to make that first move but scared to try b/c of the possible outcome. If you detach will that send a signal that you don't care about your S? Will H or W who are WAS position decide that moving out is what we want also b/c we have detached?? So many questions and emotions-DM

Dman,

Thanks good to hear from you. You got to update us on your sitch.

I know what you mean about detaching. I think that's what it is to send them a signal, but not necessarily that you don't care but the signal to let them know you'll be alright with or without the WAS. And for them NOT to think that you don't care is by being polite and cordial. To me is to get them confuse that if one foot is out the door and they see you strong and withstanding the sitch, this will make them think twice leaving LBS. That's why I'm trying to be strong. It bugs the hell out of me that she's not wearing her ring, but in front of her I'm fine and had not mention about it since I did 2 weeks ago. So things like that IMO is detaching, you don't let their actions bring you down. The best way I'm practicing this is treating w like a co-worker.

I've been actually paying attention to myself lately, how I talk and interact with co workers and I apply the same to w. Theres a lot of respect but at the same time their actions doesnt affect me. After all she's the one that told me she only sees me as a friend and nothing else. So I'm respecting that and will treat her that until her feelings come back.

Anyway, I rather detach than be attach in this sitch, when you're attach you beg, pursue, say ILY. All those things didn't work, heck I hated myself doing that because all I received was cold shoulders and it hurt like hell. At one point I even cried and followed her like a puppy dog around the house. She would watch tv and I would be there in the room every commercial break I bring up sitch, I cuddle and beg her to cuddle me back--I was pathetic! I was suffocating her (don't worry guys this was last year). Yes I did all that because I was attached. That's when I decided something's gotta changed, I surf the net and I tumble across this forum and bought the DB books.

DM, I have the same fears as you such as what if WAS think we dont care about them or since we detach they need to move out, but to me I rather have those fears than lose self respect such as begging, pursung etc.

...I'm not saying I'm totally detach now but I'm definitely not that attach like I use to. I still need a lot of detaching though, because there are days that I react pretty bad. And that this sitch is far from being fix, and therefore W can potentially still can hurt my feelings.

Dang detaching is hard--lol.

Newman