An Exercise For Forgiveness

[sage]

I read on a prior post about you getting out of crisis mode. Can you recall the pivotal point on how you knew you were getting closer to coming out of crisis mode? What were the signs that he was considering the thought of you guys together again? Did he actually come out and say it? At anytime during that stage did you feel like he really has made up his mind and he would not change it? Looking for signs myself and don't know if I'm reaching for a falling knife.

Seattle...I think the "coming out of crisis mode" was sort of evolutionary...it happened in small steps...there was the "I don't think I'll come home and find him gone" milestone then the "I don't think he's loathing our marriage" one then the "he seems marginally recommitted", etc.

My point? That it truly has been a bunch of teeny, tiny babysteps.

I guess the first real signs were when he started talking about the future again...using "we" or "us"...when he started planning or doing things around the house...when he seemed to talk about a life integrated with mine.

He never said "I've changed my mind about wanting a D".

Though over the last year and a half he has said on one occasion "I want to be married to you forever" and just the other day we saw some ducks and he asked if ducks "couple off" and I said "yes, they mate for life" and he said "that sounds like a good plan".

All good stuff.

He did, though, mention D or "being alone" a couple of times even after things felt more righted...always in context of my not having "gotten over" the a. (a la, "I don't think you're ever going to get over this we should split up."

For a long time I had the hope and dream that h would ask me to marry him again... there's so much good in my sitch that I've kind of accepted that I've got what I "need" but I'd be lying if I denied a small part of me...

Sage