hrm, I would say you had quite a bit of time to think about things while you were home ill.
The gym could be his "addiction" and he uses it to ease his pain and a great way to take his mind off his current situation. As for his family, blood is thicker than water. However, if I were them, I would be questioning why the two of you are still living under one roof if he's that unhappy. But, who knows what he's told them.
They do act very normal in the day-to-day scenario w/others. They compartmentalize their lives, so we are put in a box and put away until they absolutely have to deal w/us. Some do go off the rails every now and then and the co-workers will look at them and shake their heads...but overall, they tend to act somewhat normal until the depression really bites them.
They generally don't tell us what is going on w/their friends and family because in their minds, they are "divorced" and we do not need to know anything about them. That's why he's not told you about the pregnancy. My xh was the same way and still is, but news of births, deaths, etc., will come to you in a roundabout way. It's really sad how they see us as the enemy.
Please do not take this stuff to heart, family and friends will eventually see the light of day, but it takes a long time for them to do so.
I hope you are feeling better today and please do not allow the mlc monster to take you down.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yep, too much time to think Snodderly, for sure! As for his family, they are insane, stupid, and full of bad choices, very dysfunctional they probably wouldn't question it... *shrugs* I'm getting along fine without them, their loss, all of them... idiots. Like you said, who knows what he's told them, the H he is right now is a liar, sneaky, delusional, so I'm sure he's not been very forthcoming with them.... hey they broke him, not me.... just saying....
hmmm.... put in a box.... I don't like being put in a box.... I won't stay in a box.... hehehehe.....
I do take things to heart, not as much anymore since I know his crisis isn't about me, but still do sometimes in other areas in my life. What can I say, I'm a work in progress.
The mlc monster did get me down a bit today, but I didn't dwell, just dealt with it, moved on and now I'm sitting here typing, playing some music loud (Some Mandisa and Toby Mac- Gone, Lose My Soul and Get Back Up,I have decided Toby Mac only makes good music, I have yet to hear something of his I don't like), and well I don't really care if it interferes with his tv viewing seeing as how the world does NOT revolve around him as he would like to believe. No more caring about his reaction to my daily life.
I'm looking forward to my MLC FREE weekend!!!!!!! *happy dance*
The acting normal in front of others makes it so hard. It makes me feel like I'm going mad. Good to know this is all part of the script.
The non-reporting of family news is also hard to bear. But knowing that it's just part of the standard pattern helps a lot.
I'm hanging on to snodderly's tip that family and others will eventually see what I have seen and realise i am not 'mad' or 'bad' (at least not as bad as I presume H has made me out to be as the cause of our breakup).
Wonder how long it takes for our h's to reveal themselves to others?
You have a great attitude Hrm, you've been at this a long time, are you going to celebrate that anniversary? ..maybe a card to your H?..Can relate to what Snodderly has said about being put into a box and that MLC'ers act normal to the outside world. BTW my MIL, who I have known for 36 yrs has not contacted me or her grandkids in over 5 months to see if we are OK. Blood is thicker than water, I have said this previously on my thread too. It STILL blows me away.
I have been reading on this website but haven't posted before until now. There is so much I recognise in your story. I'm 34, my H (we're not married, but I will call him H) is 37. We are together for almost 15 years, no kids. As far as I was concerned, we were happy, no problems. BD februari 2012, he says he is confused about his life and all the choices he made. A few weeks later I got the ilybinilwy speech. Of course I was in fixing mode. He said he felt like leaving. Then I read about MLC in june and that was an eyeopener. Started Dbing, no r talks. He hasn't talked about leaving since, only when I slipped once. So he's home, but living together like strangers. Our family and friends don't know what's going on, I told only one good friend. So I totally understand your feelings of loneliness. I have asked him in the beginning (before db) why his friends get the happy, fun an cheerful H and why I get the distant and depressed H. It is so difficult to see him run to friends or whatever place he can go to, because he can't stand to be in the same house with me. It is so hard to watch him do things by himself or with others we used to do together. I must say he never monstered with me, thankfully, but being tossed to the side is painful enough. I know I didn't do anything to deserve this, but when I'm feeling blue I start to doubt that. I try to gal, but the difficuly is that nobody knows, so I have to come up with a good explanation why H is not with me. Because of this, part of me wants others to know, but part of me doesn't. I don't want my family and friends to worry or to share their opinion.
When I read the stories of other people reconnecting I feel hopeful but also discouraged, when I see it takes at least two to three years to start reconnection. I don't know if I can live like this for that long, although I'm getting better at it.
So I wish you all the strenght you need to keep this up.
Hello all! My MLC free weekend is off to a great start! Last night, while not super exciting, was fun! After the gym I got pizza, with toppings I like, not just cheese!(H's fav) And then I watched a scary movie.
Today in an effort to GAL, 180, and I don't know just get outside my comfort zone I did something daring for me.... I got a hair cut.... short.... now one must understand I've never had my hair short before, it's always been long. The shortest I've had it was when my dear friend and I went to Salem back in April and it was just touching my shoulders.
I had a friend go with me, she's living vicariously through me, she has naturally curly hair so short cuts don't really work for her! I got highlights and a really cute cut! Everyone I texted pictures to LOVED it! And more importantly I LOVE it!!!!! The general consensus is it's cute, sassy, adorable, sexy, flipping phenomenal(direct quote from a friend), amazing, bold... the list goes on!
It will be interesting to see what/if H reacts.... there is nooooooooooooo way he won't notice..... like I said, ALWAYS
NLW~ Snodderly is indeed a wise woman, I always appreciate it when she takes to time to respond to my posts (I appreciate everyone's post, so no one take that the wrong way please!). I feel like I'm going mad sometimes too, but not so much when I hear other people have experienced the same thing. I too wonder how long it will take H to reveal himself to others, it's a mystery.... apparently a year (almost) isn't quite enough time....
GALbaby~ Thank you! Oddly enough my next counseling appointment is scheduled for the one year anniversary of BD, so fitting I suppose. Maybe I'll take myself out to dinner after! Wow.... she didn't even call to check on you OR her grand kids... that's harsh.... svcks, I feel your pain... well I'm sure with kids those aspects hurt even more, I can not imagine!
Good for you HRM! I got my long locks cut off not quite that short, but shoulder length. It was time for a change. Out with the old and in with the new. It's time for us to concentrate on us rather than those MLC-ers. I'm letting mine turn in the wind.
I don't get a chance to post much lately. So much is going on. Hope you are well. I made cheese pizza for the kids tonight! Lol! Stbx likes meat lovers! Yuk! Lol!
Take care!
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I like that thought. It's been several years since my MIL has called me or the boys. That should give me a huge clue, no?
Wish we could see the new haircut! That sounds really cute! And feeling good about it is 90% of looking good, too!
You've got so much courage and a great attitude! I find it refreshing!!!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
hrm, Your weekend did start off w/a bang! A new haircut? That's wonderful and I'm glad you like it. Sometimes we have to shake things up in our lives to feel better and human once again. When we are in the eye of the mlc storm, we tend to forget to do things for ourselves that make us feel better, such as pampering.
Oh, your h is going to notice and he may not say anything at first, but he will at some point. He's going to be watching you very closely to see what you do next. Who knows, the toothbrush may move once again. LOL!
Fall is in the air and w/that comes change...holidays are coming and this is the time that mlcers begin to act out more. Holidays tend to depress them because they are family times and happy times...two things they can't deal w/during mlc. It will interesting to see how your h deals w/the holidays this year.
Enjoy your day!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
