Bklyn Still Here P2

[labug]

Now that I have cleaned up a lot of my baggage it is much easier to see what is left over and what belongs to him.


Bk, I did a double take when I read this because I said almost the same thing to my IC yesterday. For me it was very freeing, I did my best with the tools I had at the time. And, so did he.

I've increased the number of tools in my tool bag and cleaned out some malfunctioning ones, he doesn't seem to have done that.

When we know better, we do better.

[BklynMom]

I am inspired. Life has endless possibilities.

I CAN DO IT!

WE CAN DO IT!

[BklynMom]

I am just going to report the facts and if you guys could give me some feedback that would be great.

H brings the girls home and I was so excited. I heard them on the steps and had the door open and was kneeling so they could run into my open arms. They looked so big. I was giving them a million kisses.

H says "hi bklyn" - almost in a way like are you ignoring me.

I say hi h

H starts saying his good byes to the girls and d4 goes into hysterics. "daddy can you live here". "daddy don't go" etcetera. I try to change conversation and ask about the birthday they went to. She was having none of it and continued in hysterics for a half hr.

I a moment of calmish h leaves but d4 starts screaming and crying "I wanty daddy" as he walks out the door. I say to her "daddy loves you., daddy loves you"

She calms down 5 minutes after he leaves.

I text him a half hr later saying she has calmed down. He writes back.

"Thanks bklyn. I didn't give them a bath tonight, which I did last time. Her mood went down then. I'll give bath next time. Would u mind packing Jammie's with feet next time. Not saying it's your fault just something to try"

My reply "will do"

H "thks b (nickname) I really appreciate the she is okay text"

That was it.

Thoughts from the peanut gallery??

[sayitaintso]

I am inspired. Life has endless possibilities.

I CAN DO IT!

WE CAN DO IT!

[BklynMom]

Thks say.

I know you are going through acceptance as well and it's really hard.

I guess acceptance will get easier.

H still calls me by nick name and we still share a bank account. She I open my own acct. Should I tell him not to call me by nick name?

It is to my fiscal advantage to share acct but if I open my own he will still need to write me a check every month. It will more formal.

Any thoughts?

[labug]

Do you dislike that he calls you by your nickname?

Would you feel better with separate accts? Would it make your life easier or more difficult?

[labug]

And as you know, have no expectations about either of these things.

Do what is best for you.

[NLW]

Hey Bklyn,

I'd go with being led by your heart on this one. What feels best for you?

I know it's probably the old: should I set boundaries that show how things will be if we D so he realises that life is going to be different?

OR

should I keep up positive interaction so that friendship can grow?

I'm still working on the latter option, cause i figure that it's not up to me to try to 'show' him that he won't have the same relationship with me post-D.
I prefer to take AliSuddenly's and happyagain's advice to be loving, patient and friendly. Realise it's easy to fall into denial on this path, but I figure I'm only 13 months in to this (!!!).

I think having to hear these things (your nickname) and having contact over financial matters is harder than setting things up so that you don't.

But we're not in this for 'easy' are we?

[labug]

Hey BK, can you lend some support to helpfulinga?

[labug]

Sorry, it's hopefulinga