Thanks for chiming in Denver. As always, I really appreciate you input.
I LOVE your statement! I'll certainly incorporate into what I'm planning on saying (which I'll post here before it happens)...
By the way, This is happening NEXT weekend, one week from tomorrow.
So I definitely hear what you're saying about not opening myself up for the R talk and not needing to hear the yada yada yada that's almost sure to come out of her mouth.
I brought this up to IC as well, and he had something along these lines to say in response:
"We all know we can't predict how this conversation will go at all. We definitely have our theories, and I won't lie and say they're not VERY solid theories and are pretty likely to occur. But with what i've been hearing on the dynamic between you two and the way your conversations often flow, I feel putting the ball in her court is a great way to go. Listen, you already are sure, in your own mind, that when you throw the ball in her court, she's going to run with the same old same old. So you're prepared for that. What can she say that will be more hurtful than the actions that she's taking? By practially forcing her to address the situation at hand, you're taking some power and control and forcing her to show you her hand. Again, you're pretty sure it's not going to go well, so you can't be shocked by that, and you can easily go into your statement about not being an option. But we can't be sure of how her end of the conversation is going to go, and by launching right into your statement, you're much more likely to be holding the ball back in your court while she maneuvers her way into shifting the conversation to something unrelated, like your tone of voice."
Why would I want to put myself in that situation? Well, honestly i'm not relishing that part at all. I am curious to hear where she'd go with an open ended question. IC even suggested that opening with something like "So I take it this is it"... a statement that would probably throw her off balance, as she'd never expect me to say something like that.
Now I'm not decided on exactly how I'm going to approach the situation, but I'm glad to have a couple very different options to mull over for a while.
Another thing that I'm not sure I fully addressed yet: W has asked me to help her pack for an "Hour or two" on Friday night "As long as it doesn't interfere with your plans" (of which I have none ) As I volunteered my help multiple times, especially if she was coming down alone, I plan on at least spending that hour or two helping her out... So either way, I won't be having this conversation right off the bat. I'll certainly have it before she leaves and before her roommate comes down, but I'm going to have to play the timing by ear.
) As I volunteered my help multiple times, especially if she was coming down alone, I plan on at least spending that hour or two helping her out... So either way, I won't be having this conversation right off the bat. I'll certainly have it before she leaves and before her roommate comes down, but I'm going to have to play the timing by ear.