An Exercise For Forgiveness

[sage]

hi sage,
i read in early thread that you had the KLA tapes , and i was wondering if benifet from it , or r they the same as the books , and you mension that you r reading "light the fire " or something like that , i was wondering what is that ? and i was wondering have you ever felt that your husband might not be able to have feelings for you again in the early days after ending the affairs ,
i really get inspired when i read your thread , and i hope that i can overcome what happened , and have my normal life back with my husband,
thank you

Saloom -- Hi there. Too be sure there were many days when I felt as though h would not have feelings for me again...it's hard, but necessary, to detach yourself from their feelings and reactions and opinions but the more even-keeled you can keep yourself the better.

The KLA tapes did help me. Some of the info is a dupe of the books but some isn't. I think they helped me get to the "next level" after h and I seemed out of crisis mode. I also like tapes for a couple of reasons...I don't have a lot of time to read (but I do have an hour commute each day which is 1 tape per day!) and things do seem to sink in better for me when I hear them. I also seem to need constant reinforcement so having tapes handy helped a great deal.

There's no question, though, that methodically applying the DB principles is what got me out of the hole first...WAY before I knew what to do to make my M. better I knew what I was doing that was making it worse and I stopped doing those things (mostly ). I went looking for a current thread for you but didn't find one...why not start another one (here? in Piecing?) and we can take it step by step????

As for "light his fire" it's a book/tape by Ellen Kreidman. It's one of the tapes that I've listened to over the last 1.5 years + ... I don't recall it as being useful or not useful to tell you the truth...but I'm an information junkie (good bad or otherwise!) so it's all good in that sense....

I did find "Men are from Mars..." by John Gray to be very imformative for me...

To be blunt...I don't think I ever learned how to love someone...and I especially NEVER learned how to love and respect and admire and support a MAN...My two closest role models (mom and grandmother) hated men, my father in particular, so I grew up with the idea that protecting myself through logic and distance and criticism and .... was the best way to live. NOT SO! Living proof right here!

So...much of the work I've done over the last year has been learning how to love another...I feel blessed to have a willing partner to teach me.

Saloom....please start a thread! I would love to know more about your sitch.

Sage