“Hey W- I’ve received no contact from the mortgage company. Several months ago you and I had some correspondence and it was mentioned that I could stay in the house as long as I like and those are my intentions.”
How about this...
"Nope. It's under control. Thanks for asking."
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Hey Denver, I bet your law background has helped you a lot in learning how to choose your words wisely?
LOL! Actually, I really struggled with this a lot in my own sitch. I tended to do the exact same thing that I see you and others do now. Be too wordy. Too concerned about my W's reaction to what I said to her.
It is much more difficult when it's your own sitch, your own marriage and life on the line. I think that our instinct is to be too wordy. We don't want to offend our WAW. And many times, we think that if we compose the perfect email, text or speech, that we are going to somehow fix everything immediately. It does not work like that.
But DB is counter intuitive. It's okay to annoy our WAW spouses by not responding the way that they would like us to. It's okay to go for periods of time without R talk. It's okay to say to our WAW, "because you walked away and because you are now violating our M vows by being with another man, you no longer have the right to ask me that question." As long as you're not rude, hateful or use name calling of course. You do it politely.
They are NOT going to divorce us for this... they've already decided why they are going to divorce us if that is what they choose to do. And it ain't because we were short in a text message.
I learned to run EVERYTHING that I said by the people on this board and my fellow BITS. And off the board, 2Stepboogie, who no longer comes around here, helped me a lot with choosing appropriate responses. Much like I'm trying to do with you and others now.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Hey Arsene- Maybe one day when we’ve come to a “new chapter” in our lives (whatever that might be), you can provide some insight on were you’re from. For some strange reason my last sentence suddenly reminded me of the seen in Shawshank Redemption when Morgan Freeman and Tim Robbins where on the beach in Zihuatanejo, haaa.
We've got to know one another pretty well. I notice you use the term “mate” so I am pretty confident it’s the UK, Australia or New Zealand. I am also guessing your somewhere in the Middle East right now. I know this is none of my business, as you know I can be a bit blunt sometimes. I understand and respect the importance of one another’s confidentiality. Because you feel like a friend and brother I just thought I would mention it for down the road. Take care!
Since this is your thread, I can't imagine that my W would come across this. I'm from Canada but I've been in Asia for the last 12 years. In Indonesia to be more precise and as you guessed a lot of Australian and Kiwi influence down this end.
I guess that with my sitch being so specific, it would be really easy for anyone to guess my identity if they came across this site. Not that it would matter much in the long run I suppose.
I feel the same about you mate! We've been on this road for quite a few months now and I kind of feel like we're brothers in arms. Btw, any news from Suppo? He's been MIA for quite some time. I hope he's doing fine.
Cheers mate!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Hey Arsene, I appreciate the candor. I feel the same way in regards to it doesn’t really matter in the long run. As I think I’ve mentioned, I live in the Pacific Northwest, lived in the same area my entire life, same with my parents and grandparents. I can’t say I am very culturally diverse, fairly pathetic in a way, haaaa…
The only part of Canada I’ve been to is Vancouver BC. I know it’s a really nice place but very expensive. I don’t know a ton about Indonesia. I believe the cost of living is pretty cheap, it’s made up of a ton of islands, I believe the majority is Muslim and it’s one of the most populated areas in the world. Man, you’re a long ways away! Are the people pretty nice? Have you been fairly outgoing with locals? Have you made many friends with the locals over the years?
In terms of Suppo, I have no idea. I believe he’s probably around. As he mentioned, he’s a “lurker.”
You are right about Indonesia. 13,700 islands with a population of over 250,000,000 people and over 80% of them are Muslims.
Unfortunately, one of my issues is that I never really bothered to learn the language in depth and I always had a certain arrogance so I never really got to know the locals.
After 12 years I've only got 3 Indonesian friends (4 if you include my wife) and I'm ashamed of this. This is why one of my 180s is to learn the language and to show more empathy and understanding towards to locals.
I know that although I never disrespected my W directly, I have been quite verbally harsh towards the locals and the culture and that over the last 10 years, it's taken its toll on my W.
Imagine someone living with you constantly putting down your culture and heritage, They may not be insulting you directly but I'm sure that over time you take it that way.
As far as the people being nice? It depends on your attitude. I didn't think they were but I now see how I was wrong. I've been getting along much better with locals since I've changed my attitude, and I intend to keep it up.
Cheers Rough!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
It doesn't have to be Thanksgiving to give thanks!
I am very thankful for my job.
I am very thankful for my great neighbors.
I am very thankful to have the most amazing children.
I am very thankful for having grace.
I am very thankful for my friends.
I am very thankful to have God in my life.
I am very thankful for my health.
I am very thankful to have met my W.
_________________________________ Freshman class of 2012 Me(M):38 W:43 Together: 15 Married: 11 D:5 S:8 W wanted separation 5/5/12 Stopped living together 5/5/12
“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude”. Thomas Jefferson
