Ramblings and the sort from a 1st timer.

[a_man_lost]

To clarify, next week is the last week of her late night internship/volunteer requirement.

[a_man_lost]

So a question for all. Wy does the WAW/MLC or whatever she is now...the person that says ILYBNILWY, or I dont see this work out, and all the other stuff keep texting? Things like I made coffee but forgot to drink it (frown) and other idle chit chat? Its confusing as hell.

[Denver_2010]

So a question for all. Wy does the WAW/MLC or whatever she is now...the person that says ILYBNILWY, or I dont see this work out, and all the other stuff keep texting? Things like I made coffee but forgot to drink it (frown) and other idle chit chat? Its confusing as hell.

HA! I began to see this stuff as I would the ramblings of a crazy person.

Honestly, I came to understand that, even though it sometimes appears and sounds otherwise, this is just as difficult and confusing, if not more so, for the WAW as it is on the LBS.

I also learned to understand that my W was very lost... that she needed time to learn about herself and grow as a person just as much as I did.

Understanding these things helped me have some compassion for my W during our S. It also allowed me to have the strength that I needed to wait it out.

Bottom line? She is confused as hell AML.

[a_man_lost]

Thanks Denver. I appreciate it. BTW, I hear its snowing in the mountains your way. Man that area is beautiful!!!!

[Denver_2010]

It is! I love Colorado. No snow in Denver yet, but it's been raining the past couple of days. I'm sure that the mountains are seeing some snow though.

[a_man_lost]

let me ask you, did it take you requesting or filing a divorce to get your W to, well lack of better terms "remove head from rectum"? Dont know your sitch and mean no disrespect at all.

[a_man_lost]

I was out in Denver about two or three months ago. My first time. Other than not being able to breath, I loved that place. Tried to run at the Red Rock Amphitheater. I think I made it up and down twice and I was about to DIE!!!!

[Tumbling]

Hello AML
I have been on the roller coaster for coming up 2 yrs.
When things felt like I could go on no more I too thought that I would be better off divorced. It was the only way I could see to find release from how terrible I felt and the confusion H's actions caused in my mind.

I also thought this would show him that I meant business but really divorce was the last thing I wanted. What I really wanted was my marriage back how it had been a long time ago before we stopped looking after and care for each other. I guess before life got in the way and we were younger with less responsibilities.

I don't recommend filing as a way to get your wife to see sense.
She isn't in a place, by the sounds of things, to take it that way.

You can't control her feelings for you or about the relationship in any way. You can only control you, your thoughts, your feelings and your actions.

My H is a WAS in the throes of MLC.
I know that I can file at any time but I need to be ready emotionally, feel done with the relationship and know in my heart that I did everything I could including working on the behaviours that pushed him away, detaching and know in my heart that I can truly own the decision to take that step.

Just my thoughts
Tumbling

[Denver_2010]

I was out in Denver about two or three months ago. My first time. Other than not being able to breath, I loved that place. Tried to run at the Red Rock Amphitheater. I think I made it up and down twice and I was about to DIE!!!!

Yep! The air is thin here for sure. Red Rocks is beautiful. A great place for concerts. In fact, I'm going out there twice this weekend for 2 different concerts!

[Denver_2010]

let me ask you, did it take you requesting or filing a divorce to get your W to, well lack of better terms "remove head from rectum"? Dont know your sitch and mean no disrespect at all.

The short answer? Yes.

After 18 months, I told my W that I was done and that I was filing for divorce. I completed the paperwork, gave it to my FIL to give to her, and emailed her asking her to sign, have notarized, and returned to me to file. She stalled, then I stalled with a well thought up excuse... about 4 or 5 weeks after I had my FIL give her the paperwork, she started lighting up my cell phone... literally a week later she slept in our bed for the first time since she initially left in November of 2010... she has slept in our bed every night since.

Please seek out advice and more explanation from me and others before considering this though. I believe that it is literally the 'after the last resort technique' as described in DR. You have to approach it as such.