Now Separated, Am I doing the right things?

[Denver_2010]

Hey Denver, I bet your law background has helped you a lot in learning how to choose your words wisely?

LOL! Actually, I really struggled with this a lot in my own sitch. I tended to do the exact same thing that I see you and others do now. Be too wordy. Too concerned about my W's reaction to what I said to her.

It is much more difficult when it's your own sitch, your own marriage and life on the line. I think that our instinct is to be too wordy. We don't want to offend our WAW. And many times, we think that if we compose the perfect email, text or speech, that we are going to somehow fix everything immediately. It does not work like that.

But DB is counter intuitive. It's okay to annoy our WAW spouses by not responding the way that they would like us to. It's okay to go for periods of time without R talk. It's okay to say to our WAW, "because you walked away and because you are now violating our M vows by being with another man, you no longer have the right to ask me that question." As long as you're not rude, hateful or use name calling of course. You do it politely.

They are NOT going to divorce us for this... they've already decided why they are going to divorce us if that is what they choose to do. And it ain't because we were short in a text message.

I learned to run EVERYTHING that I said by the people on this board and my fellow BITS. And off the board, 2Stepboogie, who no longer comes around here, helped me a lot with choosing appropriate responses. Much like I'm trying to do with you and others now.