An Exercise For Forgiveness

[Zoo]

LOL SAGE.

Do you sound positively breathless and GIDDY???

YOU BETCHA!!!

I couldn't resist

Hugz,
Zoo

[sage]

I've been in major stress mode the last few days -- too much to do at work, school, etc. I described it to h today as having 1 too many balls in the air...it's not so much the amount of work but the fact that it's split into 10 different ways...5 projects (more?) at work, 2 different class, 2 class projects, etc. WHINE.

But you know what...h has rallied, supported, propped me up, listened, suggested, joked and just BEEN THERE. I've talked a lot about how to rebound from flashbacks of the A...but NOW my challenge is to rebound from my misguided belief that my h doesn't want to protect me, love me, support me, be there for me, take care of me, etc. I've had this PICTURE for so long of how I ASSumed he IS and what I'm realizing every darned day is that the picture just ain't accurate.

He is so full of loving gesture towards me...we have this little ritual where if he gets up to go to the gym with me, I give him a foot rub before I leave for work (complete with lotion and all). this AM he got up for the first time in a while and when I went to give him the foot rub was surprised to see that he had written "I LOVE" on the bottom of his left foot and "Sage" on the right.

Does he know how much I love him? that's what I wonder and sometimes worry about...he seems able to capture my heart...do I do that with his, too? I hope so.

Positives abound. I am lucky and grateful.

Sage

[minnie1]

Good morning Sage,

this AM he got up for the first time in a while and when I went to give him the foot rub was surprised to see that he had written "I LOVE" on the bottom of his left foot and "Sage" on the right.

I love it!!!! He sounds so wonderful Sage. I am very happy for you.

...he seems able to capture my heart...do I do that with his, too? I hope so.

You know you do!

Hope things at work/school lighten up for you soon. I got stressed just reading about all that you are doing right now.

Minnie

[seattlehopeful]

I haven't posted here before but have been lurking on your thread. I just wanted to say how awesome it is that things are going well for you! It is very encouraging to read some of the fantastic occurances that have been happening with you two.

I continue to wish the best for you guys. The message on the bottom of his feet was so great. I bet you were just feeling so warm inside after that. YOU BETCHA. I guess the inaccurate images of the past we have with them and they with us are always going to be there, its just a matter of how we choose to deal with them. They are dealing with it just as we are. Take care.

[DBB]

"Positives abound. I am lucky and grateful."

This is wonderful. Clearly you do capture his heart. Hang on.

[Briget]

Sage would you come to my thread in midlife and give me some advise. I plan on coming out of the dark and I'm not sure of myself yet.
Briget

[sage]

Had a super busy weekend...too much studying...lots of great positives from h. I've got a touch (not too much!) of the Monday blues this AM.

friday h and I spent the day in town...I had a few appointments and we both had a ton of studying so we essentially studied for 8 or so hours in the law school library. Yawn.!!!! Went out to dinner afterwards. it was an unbelievably long day.

Saturday I had the second (and final) installment of my cooking class with my dad. One of the things that I had done on friday was work on my resume...I've seen some interesting jobs of late and it needed to be retooled for my new career objectives...I left it with h on Saturday for comments and he had worked SO HARD on it...had reformatted it, added so much stuff to it. I can't believe what a GIANT positive this is...so much commitment and dedication and support. Sigh.

Had a wine tasting Saturday night at a friend's house...a few couples getting together for wine and food. OW's name came up while the "wives" were in the kitchen...as it always does. Kept my wide-eyed compassionate face on and didn't contribute to the convo. blech.

Yesterday we studied all day...well..did take a lovely walk around a nearby lake (saturday too!) but it was mostly hitting the books. Planned to watch the Oscars -- double yawn -- what a boring show it was!

I'm letting one of my classes really get to me and its just bumming me out...I was feeling so stressed yesterday that I forgot to appreciate and reach out to h. I'm regretting that today...wish I could have a "do over" where I'm sexy and fun and cute and charming instead of stressed out and grumpy and wanting to take a break. I need to pamper the man this week (and beyond!) for putting up with me!

h did SO MUCH in support of me this weekend (always!) so I asked him yesterday if I did things for him, too. His response was an earnest "you do so much" so that's a good thing.

Sage

[psluke]

Good Morning Sage,

Don't be too hard on yourself, just note you want to be more supportive, fun from now on!!!

You and H sound so great!!!!

[saloom]

hi sage,
i read in early thread that you had the KLA tapes , and i was wondering if benifet from it , or r they the same as the books , and you mension that you r reading "light the fire " or something like that , i was wondering what is that ? and i was wondering have you ever felt that your husband might not be able to have feelings for you again in the early days after ending the affairs ,
i really get inspired when i read your thread , and i hope that i can overcome what happened , and have my normal life back with my husband,
thank you

[sage]

Miss Pam,

THANKS so much for the great advice! You are so right...note the things that I would do differently next time and move it along!

Yesterday was great. Had a good day at work (a bunch of meetings got cancelled! Yahoo!) and school was tolerable. h helped me put together a cover letter for the job I'm applying for and last night we got the whole thing printed and sealed up and I mailed it this AM!!! Hooray! The first job I've applied for targeting my new career! How many positives came out of this whole thing, too? I cannot imagine a more suportive or helpful husband. He's been tremendous.

h called me at work yesterday and formally invited me out for a romantic date tonight.

Today's h's last day with the National Guard so we've got that and a jillion other things to celebrate.

Sage