The thing is, as busting said, the only reason I'd do it would be for emotional/physical closeness, which I miss an awful lot right now, and this just wouldn't be right.
Brother, can I ever relate! My LL is "physical touch" and the few months I've gone without it has been sheer torture. A buddy of mine gave me a number to a lady that gives "full body sensual massages", I told him I don't think I'm quite ready for that yet, LOL!
Originally Posted By: roughenough
BTW, I’ve been VERY distant from W. I feel I’ve shown very little compassion. I am pretty short with her and she knows it’s evident that I don’t have a lot of time to talk with her. This is something I’ve been thinking a lot about recently. It’s good and bad, it’s a fine line that I am walking and I know that I need to leave the door SLIGHTLY open. Don't get me wrong though, I always smile around her and generally I am always upbeat. The good news is that it protects my emotions a bit!
Well detaching is good DB'ing, but it sounds like you may be taking it just a little too far. When you say you've been "short" with her, that sounds like rudeness or lack of interest. I think these are from one of Michele's books, I copied them when someone else posted them in a forum, pay particular attention to the first one and ask yourself if you're doing this:
- successful DBers cherish their spouse and show a great deal of compassion. THey almost always keep their pain to themselves... they "act as if" things are normal in their life. -- successful DBers are outstanding listeners. They let their spouse do 80% of the talking when there is dialog. When they speak they speak 'lovingly' with candor and honesty. -- successful DBers validate their spouse's feelings even when they disagree with them. -- successful DBers have clarity about their life and their goals. -- successful DBers make a commitment to be in this for the long-term. They know that this will take time. So they become the master of patience. They make time their friend. -- successful DBers also make sure they focus on themselves in every way.
Also remember this DB tip:
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing
Originally Posted By: roughenough
BTW, here's another way that I might respond.
“Hey W- I’ve received no contact from the mortgage company. Several months ago you and I had some correspondence and it was mentioned that I could stay in the house as long as I like and those are my intentions.”
How about this: "I’ve received no contact from the mortgage company, so I plan on staying here until I hear otherwise."
Short and to the point and it makes no mention of an agreement between you and W.
